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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by fanda, May 3, 2008.

  1. fanda

    fanda Guest

    why is it even worth fighting anymore. For the last 2 days all I have known is that i would be dead if my friend hadnt decided to turn up and these last 2 days have been nothing but regret. I hate my life and honestly feel as if I have nothing to live for but if i break that promise I screw over a friend and he has lost people before and I cant hurt him like that. So I sit here thinking of "accidents" so that he wont be hurt, after all if it doesnt look like I did it how can he be mad. My life has turned into the fantasy of death.

    Also my Therapist convinced me to try rubber bands instead of cutting I have broke over 20 bands today and now i just want a blade. :rant: The stupid bands dont work.

    I just cant do this anymore
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    you can do it hun, if you died by accident your friend will still hurt. it doesnt matter wether you have a promise or not, deep down i think you will know you have broken it and reading between the lines the last thing you want to do is let him down.
    cutting can be very addictive, you dont need to do it but you just think you do, you need to break the cycle hun, this may sound weird but if you wrap the bands on your wrist then if you feel the need for pain just twang it against you skin, that will hurt . maybe thats wrong of me to suggest.

    just take one day at a time
  3. fanda

    fanda Guest

    Thats what my therapist suggested and I keep breaking the bands.

    I am doing better today I think. My friend hasn't left my side in a couple of days and it helps.

    The truth of the matter is my friend has been here for a long time and he suggested this place and I;m still trying to open up and talk but it hard even though I think he knows everything now its still difficult and I want him to feel better also. So I don't know if me coming here is a good idea or not because I don't want to cause him pain and its hard to talk about stuff as I know that he will read it (even if he promises not to). So I think I am going to step away and maybe come back at another time.

    Thank you to everyone for their words and kindness I really do appreciate it.