X myself

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by suicidepsycho, Jul 19, 2009.

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  1. suicidepsycho

    suicidepsycho Member

    some months ago i decided to kill myself.. again. actually then i planned to do it next week, but that day one thing happened and i just runned to the shop, to get what i need to do suicide.
    so i bought <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods> or however you call it. and buying <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods> is really scary thing. those eyes what are looking at you. like this shop-assistand knows everything. and sure she knows. because why should teenager buy <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>? i'm only 15 years old. when i was buying <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>, i was 14. and i have done it twice. first time my father found it.. second time no one even knew. because i didn't want to tell anymore.
    when time was about 2am i <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>. i live in apartment, so in that corridor where everyone who lives in this house can go. <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>. that was so scary, i even was shaking, but if i think about it then i guess that i was scared of someone coming,<Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>. but i didn't cared about anything at that moment and was just sitting in the dark and <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>. and then i <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods> because maybe someone would heard and camed there. but i didn't want this to happen.
    in the beginning it was a good feeling. <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods> and i liked it. <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>but i even didn't want to, because everyone <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>. it didn't hurt. and it just was free feeling. i was alive, but i felt that now there is no problems, now there is nothing and now i am F R E E of everything.
    then i <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods> anymore. and i even don't know what happened, i just <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>. i don't know why. i hate that i did that. because i really wanted to die. but i don't know ..
    i couldn't <Mod Edit - Acy - Methods>, i was nervous because i heard someone moving in other apartment. but finally i got out and nobody saw it. after that i had scar on my neck for some weeks.
    that was really scary. but i wanna do it again .. and now i'm searching for place where i can do it, where nobody can come and where i can do nothing to survive. because i can't live anymore.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 19, 2009
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, pseudopsycho,

    I'm sorry you feel so desperate that you would try to do that! Perhaps people here can help you through this rough time if you could talk about what makes life so difficult for you. You've taken a huge step in coming to SF! You're young with so much life ahead of you...it hurts to think of all the things you wouldn't be able to do if you off yourself. There's lots to live for. I hope you make the choice to keep reaching out here and maybe to a therapist if you can.

    To all reading this, please note that the more specific parts of the OP's post were edited for methods, as is standard
    procedure. We don't encourage suicide and we don't write detailed information about methods. Thanks.

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I really hope you see people care here and want to help you. Why not come here and talk to us next time instead of hurting yourself there is always someone here to listen. Call a crisis line there are kind people who will llisten as well don't hurt yourself no more You are too young and have a lot of time for things to change. Hang in there with us we care
  4. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    Please don't kill yourself. Think of your family. Try talking to them maybe they can help you get the help you need.
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