xanax... i messed up big time

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by darkeyes, Feb 2, 2009.

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  1. darkeyes

    darkeyes Well-Known Member

    A little back story... I was prescribed xanax for my panic attacks two years ago, the dosage has slowly increased due to tolerance and the fact that I began taking it daily instead of as needed a year ago. I'm currently supposed to be taking 1.5mg daily and in the last 6 months or so I've been taking way too many.

    I can't believe I keep doing this to myself, I just got my prescription filled a week ago and it's almost gone, it's supposed to last me a month and my psychiatrist is getting fed up with me refilling it early. What's worse is he just upped my dosage and I still ended up in this situation. It's absolutely ridiculous, I have no refills so I have to call him up and ask him to call the pharmacy when I want it refilled and I just can't bear thinking about that conversation. "Hey, doc, I took 90 pills in 10 days, can I have some more?" I really have no idea what I'm going to do. Probably die.

    I hate myself for taking too much. I hate that I'm so dependent on this shit to get me through the day without panicking. I hate that I have to worry about having a seizure if I don't take it. I hate that I was ever prescribed it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2009
  2. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    the LAST thing you need is to 'hate yourself' for taking too much.
    life sucks. but you'll get used to it eventually. just start forcing yourself to wait an extra hour and a half every time you want another dose. weaning is the only way. cold turkey is horrible. you can do it. good luck. wean off,
    the sooner the better.
     
  3. final_alert

    final_alert New Member

    Hey darkeyes,

    I've been through a similar situation. Was abusing my anti-psych meds for 3 months before I totally lost it. I was taking 5-10x the dose for weeks at a time, and losing heaps of time and energy too it.

    I agree with HappyAZaClaM. You don't have to hate yourself for it.

    The first step is a hugely difficult one, but you've admitted there's a problem. Have you considered talking to your doctor about this? It might be a good idea, and he might be able to offer advice/techniques on coping with the dependancy as well as weening off the meds.

    It's really difficult to break the dependancy, but it's really important to do so.

    Take care of yourself <3
     
  4. darkeyes

    darkeyes Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies :)
    My doctor knows I have a problem with it and once I'm well into therapy after many years of being completely against it, I'll begin weaning off of them because I'm not stable enough to work the therapy without the beznos. I'm actually down to .5-1mg a day but my birthday is coming up, which means family and social interaction so I fear I'll binge just so I can tolerate the situation. I kind of feel like the antipsych and xanax save my life because if I didn't have the stuff to bring me down out of my crazy states I don't think I'd be here. It's a blessing and a curse I guess. I'm definitely working on the weaning off to at least a substantially lower dose than I'd been taking and back to using it only when I'm having the worst panic attacks.
     
  5. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    Boy I feel ya on the family interaction thing. I am usually taking too many benzos if I have to be around family. Or if I'm performing. It's so weird how some people can just be calm even when there is stress and pressure everywhere just building and building....
     
  6. noPoint

    noPoint Well-Known Member

    I've dealt with panic attacks also.

    I tried to get perscribed to klonopin. I was put on six different meds and never got them.

    So I started buying them off the streets from people. I once took eight 2mg klonopins in one day, which may seem like alot, it may not, I dont know. But after I took a fare share of them, I couldn't believe what I was doing to myself. Then I quit taking them, I quit doing everything. I gave up smoking cigarettes, marijuana and drinking.

    I havent take'n a pill or smoked in a while, but i did drink february 3rd. I was completely ashamed of myself, and it did not help my anxiety at all.

    All I can say is, if you really want to do it, you have to just stop, and take it one day at a time. With benzos or whatever, you may have to wien yourself off.

    The best advice I could give you, is take your own advice.

    It's not like it's easy. But if you put yourself in those situations and just deal with yourself, it does and will get easier.

    I still deal with a whole lot of self disatisfaction, but I dont have that feeling of 'wanting' or 'needing' a substance anymore. Good luck with everything.
     
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