I can't seem to reply to my own thread because the "post reply" button is missing, no matter how many times I erase my cookies or refresh the page. I suspect foul play??? Anyway, the "new thread" button was missing also so I had to press the "thread starter" button and it finally appeared. Strange, isn't it? Besides that: There's no need to be apologetic for posting such a long entry about yourself. In fact, I found it immensely comforting/fascinating. Do share more about your experience. The only lights I've seen were split-second flashes of electric blue that came out of nowhere and went away just as fast...I researched the inverted triangle of three dots and I learned a bit about the following: 1. Dulce Base/Delta Group 2. Illuminati 3. Satanic Ritual Abuse and Mind Control My parents weren't around me most of my pre-adolescence so maybe I was more suspectible to these atrocities than the average toddler? I dunno...honestly can't say for sure whether I am speaking out of my paranoia or whether there is some chilling truth in all this. Hmm... I realize that by posting this entry I'm placing myself in danger but I see no reason to worry, I'm going to die soon anyway- whether in a matter of days/weeks/months because of suicide or months/years because of the disease. And besides that, if I really am a monarch slave/ritual abuse victim then I'm already conditioned to die anyway. But there is some part of me- some overwhelming, desperate part of me- that still wants to live. That wants to start over in a different life, away from all this. All I ever wanted...all I ever want...is to start fresh with a clear conscience, away from all the noise and distractions- to discover true freedom in...gazing at orange petals swaying in the pleasant breeze, feeling the damp grass beneath my feet, indulging in solitary peace while lying on my back staring up at the myriad of glittering stars spread across the black canvas as if they had been carefully selected from god's storehouse and lovingly placed in their positions for all to appreciate...alone in this euphoric image of perpetual harmony with nature and with the self...but let us digress. Have you ever considered the possibility that...this is not a figment of our imaginations, but is in fact reality? That we are living in a simulated environment of distorted perceptions? I honestly can't say... -_- ... Well thanks for reading that overly-long post...I have this tendency to start babbling when I feel peturbed about something.