Hi.
I'm not all too excellent at this introduction thing, but I assume I'll give it a shot--
I grew up in a family of many mental/emotional disorders, quite a few consisting of substance addictions. Abusiveness has run rampant in my family history, apparently back to my great-grandmother.
I've been suffering Depression quite sometime, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for slightly less than five years.
Much of the time, there's this empty, hollow feeling. I don't necessarily think I'm simply sad, anymore. It seems that all of the pain somehow converted itself into a sullen listlessness.
Often, there's this feeling of uselessness I have, and I'm sure others are quite familiar with it. However, even more than uselessness, it's as if I were a hindrance. I'd be willing to pay little attention to any of this if it were just uselessness. I'd probably read heaps of books and be out of everyone's way. But since I feel that I'm more of a disadvantage to most-- I started to wonder.
And everyone says: "these are supposed to be the best years of your life!" (yes, I am an adolescent), but I'm just not seein' it. If these are supposed to be the best years of my life, it'll only go downhill from here, then.
And with that in mind, it makes it far harder to continue on.
I have danced around suicidal thoughts time and time again. I have so many flaws, which have more staying power than I do. It's quite like they should be personified, like Pain and Uselessness and Self-disrespect should be capitalized, and my name, rae, and it's owner, should not be revered by any means.
I don't know. It just reaches a point where it's so sickening. I don't want to do anything drastic. I've never wanted to do anything drastic.
Although, regardless of all the listlessness, it still hurts.
Now, after that fairly useless (and yet relieving) rant, I shall introduce myself with some on-the-surface conversation.
You can call me Rae, if you wish. You can call me anything else as well, really. I don't mind. It's just, Rae would save everyone a lot of extra syllables.
I'm sixteen (please no "you've got your whole life ahead of you..."'s. I've heard it my entire life).
My location on the planet changes oh-so-constantly. The longest I've lived in one place was eight months.
I'm pretty mellow on the outside. Fairly laidback. Hard to offend, don't get defensive, etc.. I'm also very kind. This is all external. Funny how everything on the inside is the opposite.
Cliche, cliche.
How 'bout a generic hello to lighten the mood:
Hello, everyone. How are you all?
I'm not all too excellent at this introduction thing, but I assume I'll give it a shot--
I grew up in a family of many mental/emotional disorders, quite a few consisting of substance addictions. Abusiveness has run rampant in my family history, apparently back to my great-grandmother.
I've been suffering Depression quite sometime, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for slightly less than five years.
Much of the time, there's this empty, hollow feeling. I don't necessarily think I'm simply sad, anymore. It seems that all of the pain somehow converted itself into a sullen listlessness.
Often, there's this feeling of uselessness I have, and I'm sure others are quite familiar with it. However, even more than uselessness, it's as if I were a hindrance. I'd be willing to pay little attention to any of this if it were just uselessness. I'd probably read heaps of books and be out of everyone's way. But since I feel that I'm more of a disadvantage to most-- I started to wonder.
And everyone says: "these are supposed to be the best years of your life!" (yes, I am an adolescent), but I'm just not seein' it. If these are supposed to be the best years of my life, it'll only go downhill from here, then.
And with that in mind, it makes it far harder to continue on.
I have danced around suicidal thoughts time and time again. I have so many flaws, which have more staying power than I do. It's quite like they should be personified, like Pain and Uselessness and Self-disrespect should be capitalized, and my name, rae, and it's owner, should not be revered by any means.
I don't know. It just reaches a point where it's so sickening. I don't want to do anything drastic. I've never wanted to do anything drastic.
Although, regardless of all the listlessness, it still hurts.
Now, after that fairly useless (and yet relieving) rant, I shall introduce myself with some on-the-surface conversation.
You can call me Rae, if you wish. You can call me anything else as well, really. I don't mind. It's just, Rae would save everyone a lot of extra syllables.
I'm sixteen (please no "you've got your whole life ahead of you..."'s. I've heard it my entire life).
My location on the planet changes oh-so-constantly. The longest I've lived in one place was eight months.
I'm pretty mellow on the outside. Fairly laidback. Hard to offend, don't get defensive, etc.. I'm also very kind. This is all external. Funny how everything on the inside is the opposite.
Cliche, cliche.
How 'bout a generic hello to lighten the mood:
Hello, everyone. How are you all?
