YAY! Depression.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by pither, Oct 3, 2009.

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  1. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    I'm on the edge of the delicate balancing act that is depression.
    I could crash at any second, fall face first into the endless pit of lying awake at night because the pain is too much to ignore or repress, crying at random moments throughout the day and feeling every breath because I am almost too exhausted to keep up with each of them.

    I know what triggered it, that isn't the problem.
    Fighting, not succumbing to its pull is what I'm concerned about now.
    I know that if I slip, it will be the worst crash yet.
    So here I am, trying to stay occupied and not think about anything that could ignite it.

    The aching is creeping back into the hollow of my chest.
    It's knocking at my door, waiting for the moment when I'm weak enough to let it in.
    The pain that chokes me dry of tears is hoping something happens to send me over the edge. It doesn't have to be anything big either, especially not now.

    I'm trying, trying to force it from me. I'm working as hard as I can to keep the thoughts from my head but it's so difficult. It's draining and I worry that it will wear me down at any moment. I hate this endless cycle of hurt and emptiness. I hate that I have to feel this way. I would have been fine if I would have just listened to my gut in the first place. But now here I am, back in the usual spot.

    As if I thought I could be happy for a change.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    What happened? It may help to talk about it. Holding something in can make it worse. :hug:
     
  3. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    I met someone online (this site actually) and he came to visit this past week and a half. I thought, we thought, we were in love. But it didn't turn out that way for either of us...... meeting face to face wasn't a failure, but it wasn't real fun to realize that all yer hopes were smashed. The thing is, back when we met I had just gotten into a semi- relationship ending fight with my best friend and I had decided to not get involved with anyone else. I promised myself I wouldn't deal with people, at least for awhile. But then I met him, and like an idiot I thought it was a sign from god. Now I feel stupid for thinking I could be happy. I feel like a failure even though I didn't love him either. IT just hurts and I'm trying to hold myself together....
     
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Romantic love has been a problem area for me. I finally went on a romantic love diet for a few years and learned to get friendship love into perspective first. That worked a lot better for me. You are not a failure and neither is the other person. We're all learning in life and some things are harder then others.

    :hug:
     
  5. Mr A and the sky pilots

    Mr A and the sky pilots Well-Known Member

    You dont want a relationship, it will only cost you more money :) Love will come along when you arnt looking, but still get your self in public for him to find you!
    I fell out with a soo called friend, he cheated on his short term girlfriend 6 times, before leaving her, needless to say we v been together for 2 years next week :) She went through a bad time to get the better deal.
     
  6. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    We were friends first of course- and at the time we both weren't looking for anything romantic but eventually we realized it could be-

    I donno I just feel foolish for the whole thing. I'm happy I met him though and he's happy to have met me, but I still feel like crap.
     
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