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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by resistance, Jun 7, 2007.

  1. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I feel like a worthless piece of scum and no one would, or rather, SHOULD care if I was to die. I know it's an awful thing to say, but it's true.
    I can't do anything right, everything I do is wrong, wrong, wrong.
    My best efforts are turned to shit.
    I get shot down for expressing my opinion.
    I panic whenever I hear my dad walking because I wonder "What have I done now?"
    Walking on eggshells waiting for him to pick at something so stupid another row will erupt.
    Each day is the same.
    Same old fucking crap in this house.
    I'm trying not to cry considering he is sitting at the other end of the room.
    If I cry he will say I'm 19 and I should grow up and stop being such a baby.
    I'm fed up of him being fake around people.
    Playing happy families.
    I'm fed up of being everyones slave.
    I'm fed up of being walked all over.
    I'm fed up of being called names.
    Taken advantage of.
    I'm fed up of putting my trust in people only for that to be thrown back in my face.
    I'm a worthless failure, and I feel like giving up.
    I'm tired of all this crap...

    I was going to put this in my ranting thread, but decided here instead as I feel so shit I'm hoping for some support or nice words from you lovely people.
  2. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    As much support I can offer I do, lovely Res!!!

    I suffered with a bullying, violent father and your words brought up some of the feelings of sitting in the same room as him waiting for him to start, the bastard. And your's is a bastard too!!! Don't let him grind you down. There are tonnes of people who KNOW you're great, and before too long you'll be out of his bloody house and can start rebuilding your life. I've never understood why someone who is supposed to love and nurture you does their best to tear you down at every opportunity. And you know too don't you, that feeling like scum no way makes you scum. You're far from it!!!

    Sarah :hug:
  3. Xalcro

    Xalcro Well-Known Member

    Hey, don't do that to yourself...

    Life's a load of crap, but even at that it's worth living. Ironic, but true.

    You're a really awesome person... Heh, sorry, I feel like I'm going outta my place a little saying this as... a newbie. I guess not many people here even know who I am.

    But yeah... All you gotta do is stay strong. I know it's hard, but just never, NEVER stop trying, and hoping. You have some awesome people as friends. People who really care, who would miss you if you let yourself submit. Always, always keep fighting. Deep inside our hearts, we're all fighting, always. Fighting against the void that's sucking you in... And others, by showing their support, their care for you, are holding their hand out to you.

    Let them touch your heart... their words are what they feel, everyone cares, they all want you to stay strong, keep fighting.

    Just take the crap life throws at you. Crying is okay... it's letting out the emotion, but never let anyone get to you. Cry it out, stay strong. Take the hand that's offered.

    Your dad might suck... but remember you're always wanted, in at least one place... Remember the support and care you get from here. Keep fighting. Just stay strong...
  4. Nuri

    Nuri Well-Known Member

    My brain is a bit of a mush at the moment due to my own father playing up so I may not be much help, as usual, however;

    I can honestly say that you are not a worthless piece of scum and just because I'm your boyfriend doesn't mean that my opinion necessarily has to be biased.

    People WOULD and SHOULD care if you were to die; especially me. It may of been an awful thing to say however it is your opinion and everyone has a right to free speech meaning everyone's opinions should be heard - You should feel free to express yourself whenever you see fit, not when other people see fit especially if you're under horendous amounts of stress and pressure from multiple parties i.e. your father, your ex-boyfriend and various other people.

    You're quite capable of doing things right, you know that and so do I. Your father may not think that you're capable of doing things right but... excuse me for saying this... that's because he's a stubborn and ungreatful old fool. How does he expect you to be his carer, do all of the housework and all of the cooking by yourself? What really gets on my nerves is that no matter how hard anyone tries; your father is still ungreatful and full of criticism.

    I know he is old, a war veteran, disabled, twice a widower and the latest one being your step-mother but your step-mother's shoes should not be filled nor should anyone attempt to fill them because by attempting to fill a deceased person's shoes... you are in essence trying to replace that deceased person and the deceased should never be replaced, no one should ever try to replace them either because it's a lost cause... you can't replace the deceased and if only he could accept that and accept that there's bound to be some changes around the way the house is going to be looked after and the way/what food is going to be cooked as everyone is their own person and thus, everyone has their own way of doings things... it adds to uniqueness.

    I've noticed how fake he is when I'm there, trust me, it shows and I won't be fooled by any of it.

    I feel like I'm walking on eggshells myself whenever I'm with him or even talking to him hence why I'm so quiet and why I hardly ever talk to him.

    Everyone has a right to cry; no matter age and no matter what gender... Things have changed alot since he was born.

    You're not my slave nor will you ever be my slave or anyones slave.

    You're not a worthless failure, you have so much potential and if only you could see that. I mean, come on - you want to become Paramedic and that's a very admirable feat - I'm 100% certain that you're going to achieve it as well and you have all of my belief, faith and support.

    I've asked you this question before; Why give up when no-one has given up on you and when no-one will ever give up on you? I for one will never give up on you, ever, because you are more than a worthy cause worth fighting for and I'm going to use every inch of power that I have to fight for you.

    I know what it's like to be walked over; I've been everyone's carpet for years and years - It's a terrible experiance and I'll share the burden with you; we'll share the weight and if I could take the full weight off your shoulders... I would.

    I'm not going to take advantage of you, ever nor will I let anyone ever take advantage of you. You've been through too much suffering in you life time - You don't need anymore.

    You're always welcome at my house - You could even live here if things got too much at home, I know your Father reacted a bit funny to the notion of you staying round mine for a few days due to his old ways but just ignore him, don't let him or anyone else get in the way of you enjoying yourself and you living your life the way that you want to.

    I'm your rock; Lean on me. :hug:

    Hopefully your Dad will wake up one day and realise that you're almost 20 now, you're not his little girl anymore and you have as much right as anyone else to live your life the way that you want to.

    I love you. :cheekkiss
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2007
  5. hun

    I'm not able to post a long reply atm :( but I understand where you are coming from with that thread - I really do understand what you are saying I guess?..... I suppose we are all different and can't understand each other fully..... but I get where you are coming from....

    I'm here if you need me at all... I would be really honoured to be your friend :shy: I care about you and will never mock or laugh at you - you are worth a whole load - you are really wonderful and one of the few people in the world whom I really admire :hug:

    Am here if and when ever you need me


    and more :hug: s

  6. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Thanks guys, I really appreciate it your nice words helped yesterday. I am feeling better today and so far my dad hasn't started. *fingers crossed*

    :hug: to all.