Year After Year

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 4eversad, Nov 27, 2014.

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  1. 4eversad

    4eversad New Member


    I'm Jim. I'm not sure what I'm doing here. I'm not sure of anything except my desire to "finish the task". So what brought me here? I guess I just want to talk. Attempts have been as much a part of my symptoms as all the other symptoms. The first sign of being depressed came when I tried to hurt myself at 14 yrs. old. I'm now 46. Most serious attempts have been while under the influence of various chemicals. I'm much closer now that ever before and without being under the influence. I now have the means for what should be the final act. I do feel guilty, you know, for the grief I'll leave behind. I have a 19 yr. old son who recently cut ties with me. He is bound to take this as his fault. I feel terrible about that but I can't stand the thought of feeling this way much longer. the specifics of my history isn't important. Just know that it is extensive. Psyc wards, meds, shock therapy, drug and alcohol treatment... I actually have a friend who gave me his permission to move forward if I thought it would bring the peace I'm looking for. So, why am I here? I don't f'ing know. Someone enlighten me. Tell me something that I don't already know.:stupid::stupid: :tongue-new:
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello there and welcome to the forums!! We also have a chat room if you're interested!

    Hmm tough question...tell you something you don't already know??

    Let me don't know how your son will take this, you did say he will see it as being his fault. If that is in fact true he will be scarred forever. If you do not mind me asking why did he cut ties with you? And even though you have suffering this terrible illness since the young age or 14 do you believe that the son cutting ties with you is what is pushing you over the edge?

    Another thing you don't know is the community here which you don't yet know are amazing and will try and help you in any way we can, we're like a big supportive family, for some this is all they have and hope is always alive as long as you are alive. Get to know us, we really can make a difference if we all make the effort.

    I truly do hope life picks up for you and you get on your feet again, best of luck

    Kind regards,

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are here because you want to be near people who understand and who do not judge you . Also because you do not want to leave your son with that kind of guilt you just don't
    as i would not want to leave it with my family members. You can talk here release some of the sadness here the torment the anger
    Get some feed back from people who feel as you do but have held on and found some peace
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