I dont even know where to begin, theres so many things that I wish I had done differantly, people I should have treated better, friends I should have kept, bridges I should never have burnt. Ive hurt so many friends with all my shit, my drinking, my inability to overcome my love for a certain person, my ridiculous tirades and ranting. Why cant I talk to people? call a friend a back? Every time someone gets remotely close, I run away. I hate it, I hate being me. I hate the fact I push people away that care about me, especially her, jesus why do I push her away. I havent been on MSN in 3 days, its me isolating myself again, Ive done this my entire life, and it hurts people, and yet I keep doing it...Im so sorry guys, its just me being the fucked me that I am. This is gonna be one fucking long list. Im sorry my life is consumed by fear Im sorry I think constantly about the past Im sorry I think constantly about the future Im sorry I ruined your life Im sorry I let you ruin mine Im sorry I drink every single day Im sorry I cant get motivated Im sorry Ive never finished a single thing ive started Im sorry I dont show my feelings easily Im sorry I have so much love to give Im sorry I never kept in touch with every friend Ive ever had Im sorry I feel inferior Im sorry Ive hurt the people I love with my feelings of suicide Im sorry I took those walks into town Im sorry I dont want to get old Im sorry I cant see a future Im sorry I didnt start my business Im sorry I didnt call you back Im sorry I dont like my body Im sorry I think your beautiful Im sorry I failed university Im sorry I failed every fucking thing Im sorry I cant talk to you Dad Im sorry Im not the son you wanted Im sorry I lied about how my life is going Im sorry one of us will die without ever making it up Im sorry I feel so weak and pathetic Im sorry I isolate constantly Im sorry I dont want to talk Im sorry I dont regret what we did Im sorry I think about certain people sexually Im sorry I wasnt there for you when I should have been Im sorry for being a fucking awful friend at times Im sorry for breathing Im sorry for being alive. Im sorry for being part of your lives...because Im probably gonna hurt you all. ..barely scratched the surface. Every day is a new war, every day I have to fight this battle in my brain just to make it too the next one...Im getting tired of it. Every time I come up with answer that gives me some peace, I come up with another one that makes me realise my life is pointless. Im sorry for who Ive hurt, and who I will hurt, you all deserve so much better.