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Yes Another Sorry Thread :(

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LetItGo

Staff Alumni
#1
I dont even know where to begin, theres so many things that I wish I had done differantly, people I should have treated better, friends I should have kept, bridges I should never have burnt.

Ive hurt so many friends with all my shit, my drinking, my inability to overcome my love for a certain person, my ridiculous tirades and ranting.

Why cant I talk to people? call a friend a back? Every time someone gets
remotely close, I run away. I hate it, I hate being me. I hate the fact I push people away that care about me, especially her, jesus why do I push her away.

I havent been on MSN in 3 days, its me isolating myself again, Ive done this my entire life, and it hurts people, and yet I keep doing it...Im so sorry guys, its just me being the fucked me that I am.

This is gonna be one fucking long list.

Im sorry my life is consumed by fear
Im sorry I think constantly about the past
Im sorry I think constantly about the future
Im sorry I ruined your life
Im sorry I let you ruin mine
Im sorry I drink every single day
Im sorry I cant get motivated
Im sorry Ive never finished a single thing ive started
Im sorry I dont show my feelings easily
Im sorry I have so much love to give
Im sorry I never kept in touch with every friend Ive ever had
Im sorry I feel inferior
Im sorry Ive hurt the people I love with my feelings of suicide
Im sorry I took those walks into town
Im sorry I dont want to get old
Im sorry I cant see a future
Im sorry I didnt start my business
Im sorry I didnt call you back
Im sorry I dont like my body
Im sorry I think your beautiful
Im sorry I failed university
Im sorry I failed every fucking thing
Im sorry I cant talk to you Dad
Im sorry Im not the son you wanted
Im sorry I lied about how my life is going
Im sorry one of us will die without ever making it up
Im sorry I feel so weak and pathetic
Im sorry I isolate constantly
Im sorry I dont want to talk
Im sorry I dont regret what we did
Im sorry I think about certain people sexually
Im sorry I wasnt there for you when I should have been
Im sorry for being a fucking awful friend at times
Im sorry for breathing
Im sorry for being alive.
Im sorry for being part of your lives...because Im probably gonna hurt you all.

..barely scratched the surface.

Every day is a new war, every day I have to fight this battle in my brain just to make it too the next one...Im getting tired of it. Every time I come up with answer that gives me some peace, I come up with another one that makes me realise my life is pointless.

Im sorry for who Ive hurt, and who I will hurt, you all deserve so much better. :(
 

sudut

Well-Known Member
#2
AJ,
atleast you now know what you need to work on. from now on. focus on tackling each. focus on getting what you want. try focusing on improving in most of those areas. get motivated by the desire to help people and solve their problems, not on your fears. The first step is recognizing what you need to improve, which you successfully have. everyone of us have problems, fears and insecurities, but with practice, you'll find out that all these where imaginary.

YOU MUST DO THAT WHICH YOU THINK YOU CANNOT. be like an explorer, experiencing to prove whether your 'inablities' are a reality or just made up. we are all humans.
 
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