Yes, I'm suicidal.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Downpour, Jan 28, 2015.

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  1. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    I've been suicidal before. I've been closer to killing myself than I am now. But I've never been this suicidal while not experiencing intense, negative emotions (i.e. my crisis moments). I've never been calm and so suicidal. I've never been calm and thought that I'm not going to make it through the week before making some sort of attempt on my life. I've never been so sure that suicide was imminent. My therapist will probably put me in the hospital if she knows this. Going to the hospital won't help; it won't make me less suicidal. In fact, it might make things worse. I want this misery to end.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Going to hospital will give you a safe place until you can get on the right medication to stabilize your thoughts it will give you a place to obtain some therapy as well
    i hope you do talk to your therapist and tell her what is happening
     
  3. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    It's not medication I need. It's a new life. And that's impossible. I have no other solution.
     
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Life is important, whatever struggle you going through YOU can overcome it. Yes, I know it's hard but remember you are not alone in your struggle. Stay strong please. Like Total Eclipse says go to hospital if you feel down.

    You are important and please remember people here will give you support and never forget that. Keep posting as it will help.
     
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Something needs to change if your feeling this way and not telling your Therapist
     
  6. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    Hey Downpour,

    I am not an expert but maybe total eclipse and unknown are right. Your life is important and maybe, even though it doesn't give you hope back it will help you being safe for some time with people around preventing you to make a mistake.
    And maybe you'll find someone to help you. Or you might be able to help someone. Because at least you're calm and rationnal ... so you might be a good support while you're being safe yourself.

    Anyway I totally uinderstand the feeling.
    I had those times with huge and strong despair hurting so much inside I could almost feel a physical pain and dearly wishing for it to come to have a real wound I could at least heal.
    But the worst is recently. Because I don't feel any strong rejection of the world, I don't feel any huge pain or despair or hate ... but that's actual this very calm feeling that is the worst. Because I feel like I am done here. Nothing is good and nothing can't even really hurt me. But I don't have any interest of the life here.

    But there is one thing I sweard to myself.
    Before leaving this life I will make everything in order for my family and friends, about funerals, about money.
    And before leaving this life, with whatever money I have left I will go to one place I have never been. See the life somewhere else and make sure nothing is intersting anywhere, that nothing can't touch my heart somehow.

    ANd maybe you're stronger than me and you could be able, if you can't do something with your life for your self, to at least do something for all the people that need helps in the world.

    Be glorious ! You don't have anything to lose if you have give up on everything already.

    But your life matters anyhow. So don't let it go.

    Can you explain what happened that made you feel like your life is that meraningless ?
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Just wondering how you are feeling today? Hopefully somewhat better! We're here for you :)
     
  8. storm

    storm Well-Known Member

    I think you should tell your therapist. If you withhold things from her/him how are they supposed to help you? I tell me therapist all the time when I feel suicidal and she doesn't put me in the hospital. But the point is you NEED to talk about how you feel. Keeping it bottled up won't help anything. Thinking of you <3
     
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