Yes, I'm suicidal

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AlwaysRain, Apr 20, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. AlwaysRain

    AlwaysRain Active Member

    I realized it just today.
    I thought I had depression, but no, now I remember that I always was suicidal.
    It started when I was 15, I used to write really beautiful novels about love and death. Those two seemed unseparated to me.
    Usually my desire to die is not suicide. But I think about death every day.
    When I drive I think about doing some stupid thing resulting in car crush. When I'm standing at window in 7-th floor I'm thinking about jumping down and about my dead smashed body on the ground. I think about my laboratory blowing up, some crazy guy killing me on a parking lot... Wherever I am I'm thinking of death. It's always one step behind me.
    My ideal death... immediate, in a car crush, but the stereo system must survive and play Rammstein or Dope Stars Inc... I think it's beautiful.
  2. sadsong

    sadsong Staff Alumni

    I think sometimes the idea of death can seem quite a romantic one, almost beautiful in many ways. Yet the reality is really different. It's messy and undignified, chances are you won't be this pristine corpse, there will be blood, sick, foam coming from the mouth, anything but that romantic image.

    I hope that your suicidal feelings ease, and that you find the support you are searching for here. We're always here to provide a shoulder, and a few words of support.

    take care
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.