I think I've voided myself of all feeling, or at least, I'm on my way there. Several years ago, I felt happiness, care-free, enjoyment, joy, motivated. Those feelings have long since left me only to be taken over by sadness, shame, despair, torment, anger, fear, confusion, hopelessness, and indescribable pain. About a month ago, I'd be in excruciating pain almost every waking moment and I'd cry every time I was alone. Two people know about me. The psychiatrist and the acquaintance from back home whom I blurted this out to a week before the psychiatrist visit because I didn't want the first person I tell this to be a psychiatrist. Since then, I've stopped crying. I've stopped silently screaming in pain, curled up in bed in fetal position. I've stopped feeling anything. I've stopped feeling anything whatsoever. There's nothing in me but void, emptiness, and a figurative black hole. The pain and sadness aren't there anymore. I feel nothing. I don't even feel numb anymore. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I no longer seem to harbour human emotions. Not even hurt or melancholy or any other negative ones. I don't seem to be human any more. I no longer know who I am. At first, I missed my familiar feelings of pain and torment and was afraid of this nothingness I was slipping into. Now I've realized that this is enlightenment. This feeling of nothingness will just be like death. In death, we do not feel. In this state, I do not feel either. I have absolutely no fear of death anymore. I've done it. I think I'm ready to make the transition.