when i think about it all, do i actually want to be alive? do i care if i dont wake up tomorrow? i wont have kids, i wont get married i wont have a life i wont have any of that because im such a horrible person. i havent cut in so long, then i go and find a blade . 1 left. ive hidden it again but i want it so dam much. i want to get off my section so i cant tell them how i feel. i no i can keep myself safe . but i dont want my life. whose to say i have to? so much in my head. sigh. whys it so dam hard?