Yesterday, today, tomorrow

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Dec 30, 2008.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Yesterday my dad told me he was dying from lung cancer and is refusing treatment.

    Today I've cried, i've not slept for over 48 hours, and I just don't have the energy to fight.

    tomorrow I should get the decision from the CPS about if a pedophile will be prosecuted for rape and sexual abuse of 2 children, for being in possession of child porn ~ I fully expect the CPS NOT to prosecute.

    Friday the 2nd Janaury 2009 @ 15:00 I will cease.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    These sound like very difficult days...wishing you lighter times, big hugs, J
  3. hellwithhugewounds

    hellwithhugewounds Well-Known Member

    Not to be offensive, but if I get you correctly, you're contemplating suicide because... your dad is dying and you expect a pedophile rapist to go free?

    First, If your dad is dying, why does that want to make you kill yourself? If you know that your dad only has a little time left in this world, and you love him, I would think that you should be strong for him, and at least keep alive as long as he is alive, not make his last days on earth a living hell as it is for you.

    Second, why do you trust in the legal system so little? A person is innocent until proven guilty. If the evidence does not prove this person to be a pedophile-rapist, why have you already judged him to be one? There have been SENATORS in the U.S. accused of possessing child porn just to ruin their reputation, but if the evidence does not support the claim, they won't be prosecuted. It seems in your eyes, this guy's reputation is already ruined without him even being found guilty. Why would it be any different with the CPS? Maybe the legal system is very different where you are, if so, tell me.
  4. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    The guy you are refering to is the person who raped me from the age of 8 until I was 15 and my younger sister from when she was 7 until she was 11, so therefore YES I have judged him, I'm not out to ruin he's life but to stop him continuing the abuse to other children, he ruined my life, my sisters life he took things away that we can't ever get back....if I've read your reply correctly then you are saying that I'm lying and he shouldn't be punished for the rape and abuse of children, which is just a small part of the guilt I feel anyway, I feel the guilt that I didn't say anythign sooner and stop him abusing other children, one of who reported when i was 18 but dropped the charges against yes I have judged him to be pedophile based on my own experiences and what I witnessed with him and he's own grand-daughter.

    My dad dying is making my life hell, my parents split up, I've had to live with the arguements, the put downs, the abuse, and everything else from him, its not just my dad dying that has made me feel suicidal so I won't be made to feel guilty because I want to kill myself.

    there's more to it then just that, but I'm not even going to bother saying anymore, it doesn't matter how I feel, what I think cause clearly I've already been judged....

  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Having just read one of your posts, it would seem to me that you are another one of those fucking people that believe that its ok to rape...what is it with ppl and having to reply to posts, why can't all sick twisted fuckers leave me alone. just go away from me.
  6. hellwithhugewounds

    hellwithhugewounds Well-Known Member

    You can't expect me to have known that. I thought he was a rapist you saw on TV or something :sad:. With that knowledge in mind I sincerely apologize for all that "innocent until proven guilty" stuff. :unsure: But why don't you think CPS will prosecute?

    Did you read the disillusionment with SF thread? If you read the thread carefully I was defending his right not to change his own opinion, I was not saying his opinion is also mine. Quoted from me -
    "I'm not saying rape is acceptable, I'm just saying that monitoring someone because they utter an unpopular opinion borders on authoritarianism, no matter how horrible you think the opinion is."

    I never thought of myself as a sick twisted mother fucker. :awww:
    I apologize again and if you havn't changed your mind I will now go away.
  7. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Do you seriously believe that someone would want to kill themselves over something they saw on the news? Maybe there are some ppl out there, but i'm not one of them...
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry your dad is dying from lung cancer. That is not something easy to watch. As for this man you are helping to save other children from, I hope they do convict him and get him off of the street. If he does end up in the penal system, he will not find the road easy as prisoners hate those that have harmed children, especially in the form of sexual abuse. Try not to take to heart those that reply who really have no idea what being a victim of something like this is about. There is no way they can truly understand. I don't want to see you end your life. I want you to know there is life beyond what has happened. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that things turn out as they should. :hug:
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Jody. I'm sorry to hear that your dad is now dying from lung cancer, on top of all of the stuff that you have to deal with already. hellwithhugewounds didn't know about your history with that pedophile that you are trying to get locked up. Please don't take his comments personally. He was just expressing his opinion. I hope that the legal system works and that pedophile is put in prison for abusing you, your sister and all the others that he abused. But please don't kill yourself on friday hun. Things might get better for you in 2009. :hug:
  10. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    wow you are going through some shit. i have seen a few of your posts and felt for you. you are so amazingly brave.. i wish i had the balls to do what you have when i was younger. i admire you totally and hope that you find the strength to rise above the shit

    sam x
  11. I am sorry to hear such a thing... I hope all goes well with the prosecution.

    I do not know if it will help to speak with me, but, someone close to me died of cancer last year... PM me if you wish.


    PS, try get some sleep. Things feel worse when youre tired.
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I had a guy living in the neighberhood who would draw in the young ones to watch porn and read dirty magazines. Once he saw you were aroused he would take you back to his bedroom and have his way with you. He would then hand you twenty bucks to keep your mouth shut. I only went with him once and afterwords I felt dirty and never went back. My friends would still go there for the money. He finally got reported on and we had to go to court. They didn't do jack shit to him. They made him move. So he just moved to the neighberhood behind us. I use to drive by his house and take steel ball bearings and a wrist rocket and shoot holes in his house. I can't beleive I just told that story , so now everyone knows. That is one of the demons I fight everyday. Take care!!~Joseph~
  13. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't give up Jody. :hug:
  14. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    To me, rape is worse than murder.

    I hope whoever did this to you gets locked up forever. You didn't deserve it, you were young and couldn't do anything about it, and it wasn't your fault. Please reconsider, wait and see how things turn out. Eventually he'll get what he deserves, and you can start on a better life. :hug:
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi lost_child.

    I am actually in very similar circumstances to you right now.

    My dad died last June from cancer. I know how hard it's going to be for you seeing him sick,weak and fighting for his life but you can get through it. We will help you. He needs you to be strong for him :hug:

    I also have a court case arising soon, which I'm absolutely dreading. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me :hug:
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :sad: :hug:
  17. meh__

    meh__ Well-Known Member

    i really admire you for having the courage to go through with the prosecution..i could never do that..good luck with everything

  18. Hey feel free to talk to me if you like it sounds like you are having a very rough time! Just know there are alot of people out there who care about you.

    I hope you will be aright I am sorry about your father hun, please take care.

  19. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    The CPS still can't decide if it should go to court or not so they have bailed him again for another few weeks. Not knowing is killing me, waiting for the phone to ring then panicin when it does, I'm still not sleeping and the few hours I do get are not peaceful. I'm ehausted. I'm worried about my dad as my parents split a few weeks ago, before my mum knew he had cancer, now he's on he's own. I've had enough of the calls from them both saying he said that, she said this, I'm stuck in the middle and am tired of it all. I'm sorry, even without knowing the outcome I still want to die, I've had enough, I'm too ehausted to continue. sorry. that's just the type of person I am you see, weak, pathetic and stupid. sorry.
  20. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You have nothing to be sorry about Jody. You are an abuse survivor and you are a very strong person, because you are still here with us fighting to survive. Please try to find the strength to keep fighting the pervert that hurt you. You're an inspiration to victims of abuse. Please don't give up. :hug:
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