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Yet Again *trigger*

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by BlackPegasus, Feb 10, 2008.

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  1. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    I had this set of knives in a holder sitting on the sink in front of me. I had them out for protection but as I was sitting looking at them I had this strong urge to slit my wrist. Saw the vivid images in my head. It is a concern because I am visualizing it so vividly but the thought of the pain and a few other things stops me. the urge to use the knives to end it all was stronger than before. It really gets to me because we all have our breaking points and I've survived so much and wonder where mine is.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I hope that you never have to find out!!! You're a fighter and have been fighting so well. Maybe just give yourself a much needed break for a day. And for God sake, put those knives in a safe place out of your view. When you start thinking and visualizing, sit down and send me a very long pm about how you're doing. Keep fighting, you can beat this too!
  3. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    I am glad to see you are around :hug: I was worried.

    I dunno if you saw my other post but he was in town. My neighbors found him parked in front of their house. I had the knives out for protection. I sure hope he doesn't show up today.
  4. I'm glad to see BOTH OF YOU posting!!! :hug:

    Aw, man - I know he's fucked you up BIG TIME!!! I hope this is not stupid - but does he have any 'current' restrictions put on him? Do any authorities/law enforcement have a record of past assaults? (I also know damn well, and sadly, that all too often those 'restrictions' aren't worth much more the paper their written on! FUCKED up SYSTEM!!). Do you have any Mace (may be illegal where you are) - or Pepper Spray (I think that IS legal). Easier to handle than a weapon - not to mention that if something terrible DID occur (GOD! I HOPE NOT!!), "self-defense" is still an idiotically controversial/hard to prove ordeal - over and above what you've already endured!!

    You must be freaking out - TERRIFIED!!!! (I remember that feeling too).

    Of course, it goes without saying that you ought not answer the door - perhaps go so far as to ask, even people you trust, to call first before they visit (that way you know it's them, and ONLY them. Furthermore, even a "secret" - and DISCREET - doorbell ring - so you know it's safe to open the door ONLY when you hear that). And do call a women's shelter, if you haven't already, and see what they might further suggest.

    I continue to think of you, Hon!!!!!
  5. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    You've come so far. It would be sad to see you abandon your journey now. I need inspiration.
  6. sithspit

    sithspit Well-Known Member

    You're a fighter Pegasus, it doesn't take a genius to see that. Your initial use of the knives was not to harm yourself, but to defend yourself. Although the strain may feel too much to bear, remember you have this place - we will be the strength in your arm when it starts to fail you.
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