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Yet again.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Liar, Sep 21, 2008.

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  1. Liar

    Liar Guest

    Hi everyone.I haven't been on here for a few years now.This place used to help me out a lot,so today I figured that this is the best place to be for me,because I've decided to truly make an effort to try and change.

    I am a liar.I don't know why I keep lying to people when I know how bad it makes me feel.I'll lie to someone,and then feel regret,and extremely guilty.My conscience can't take it at all.But knowing that I cannot possibly tell the person about my lie,I end up breaking up the relationship with her/him.I force myself to my dark little corner of the world,force myself to be alone and miserable.Shutting myself down,pushing people as far away from me as I can.

    Everytime I meet someone new,I'll try to be completely honest with that person,but every freaking time I fail to do so.There's never been a single person in my life that in some way I haven't lied to.

    I don't like myself,I'm not accepting of myself,and I can't just forgive myself.I tell myself that it's okay as long as I don't lie to that person ever again.But I doubt if I'm really able to stop.

    Well,I wanna change.I don't wanna pretend to be someone else anymore.I've lived too long in this world of lies I created for myself.I want out.

    For the first time in my life,I met someone that seems to be completely accepting of how I am.You see,society labels people like me as ''sick''.He's the only person who didn't freak out when I told him a bit about me.He didn't run away from me like everyone else,because we are so similar.He's always wanted someone in his life that could love him for everything and anything he is.And all my life that's all I've been looking for,to have someone who is not afraid of looking behind my mask and see me fully.

    But I ended up lying,even to him.Now I don't know what to do.The thought of losing him scares the hell out of me.I wanna be with that person.I keep telling myself that as long as I don't lie to him ever again,as long as, from this second forward,I be completely honest with him;then I can forgive myself about lying to him in the past.That it's alright to forgive myself.

    But is it really alright?I know that,if I come clean and tell him that I lied to him;he won't be able to trust me anymore.Who would? Nobody likes liars,nobody likes to be told that they were lied to.Without his trust,we won't be able to work things out between us.Even if he forgave me,he'd eventually abandon me.

    I really,really need your advice.Or if you could just tell me what you think.I have noone to talk about this.
  2. Robin

    Robin Guest

    I know a fair few people who have lied in the past, sometimes endemically, and most of them have managed to stop somehow and they're all charming, witty and intelligent people. I guess what I mean to say is that when the time comes to control what you say and why you say it you will be able to use the skills you've used in your past to really shine and be a great friend as those I know who had similar probs do now :)
  3. Spam.

    Spam. Guest

    Do you know what is it that makes you lie? And why? If you can work out the reasons behind it, you stand a better chance at beating it.

    I think if you don't tell him, you take the easy way out. Maybe if you tell him and face up to your actions, then that would be a good step forward. Yes, he might not trust you, but equally, he might respect you for coming clean. So far you have just run away from what you have done, but maybe now is the time to confront it?
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