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Yet again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cult logic, Mar 31, 2009.

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  1. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Sorry for all the topics, I'm having a very very bad month. I'm sure you're all tired of this crap by now. :(

    I'm at the point where if I don't get help I'll be dead within a couple of days.

    There are no pills left to od on. I'm down to cuts and slitting.

    I don't know how to get help. It's so embarassing to need help. My mom doesn't believe anything I tell her.

    She either gets mad or threatens to have me thrown in a mental place.

    I don't know what to do. :(

    I get more and more suicidal everyday.

    I'm going to go try and hurt myself if I can and see how far I get now. Maybe all the way, who knows. Goodnight. :(
  2. walkin

    walkin Active Member

    Dont do anything to hurt yourself and its not embarrsing to need help- everyone does at some point in their lives.
    Do you have a doctor you can see or talk to that might be able to support you, if your family cant help you...?
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Ha. You know it's sad when you have to use sharpened scissors cause you don't have a razor blade.

    I avoid telling doctors anymore than that I have had suicidal feelings because I don't want to be thrown somewhere.

    And it is quite embarassing when mmediate family members constantly make fun of and attack you for needing help.

    Anyway the bleeding is dying down a little so I'm gonna go do some more.
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Well, I made it through the night.

    Stayed up a while cutting myself but then got dizzy and passed out.

    All the slices will be hard to explain if anyone notices, but I'm glad I did it.

    Will do it again today, it's going to be a very hard one. :(
  5. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Today was terrible. :mad:

    I wake up to find the dryer broke and my clothes are all soaked.

    After drying them with a blow dryer for an hour I go to school late to take a bunch of tests I wasn't informed about. :mad:

    Then I'm told I can't pass one of my classes. :mad:

    Then my ride is late.

    I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with all this. :sad:
  6. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Yo i just noticed your location.... do you play halo ?
  7. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Yes it's one of the few things I'm good at, pathetic as that is.

    Anyway a stroke of luck, I think I've got a way to get a razor. Maybe today is looking up after all.
  8. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I did it.

    I got my hands on two of them!

    Albeit a bit bent but I have them.

    Tested it out a little, and my arm just keeps on bleeding. This is pretty encouraging to say the least.

    Goodnight everyone. I'll do what I can, and check in tomorrow if I'm able.
  9. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    I don't go to anyone with my problems,just because they don't know what I'm going through
  10. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    im so sorry that your feeling this way. please dont think that there is no one that you cant talk to because your not alone. we are here to support you and always will be

    thinking of you x :console:
  11. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I really appreciate the support.

    But I'm still lost. Part of me wants to cut until I've severed something vital, but I think there's still a hope that things may change.

    Probably just wishful thinking, things have only ever gotten worse.
  12. sleepyxwillow

    sleepyxwillow Member

    i can relate in some minute sense to the suck-ish feeling and self mutilation is the perfect way to release that super-ultra-suck-ish (or at least how i like to describe it) feeling but in the long run.....it's useless. you'll stop one day, get better, stare at your wrists for the rest of your life and curse the inevitably slow evolution of science and technology for not inventing scar removal cream. unless you hear voices compelling you to do it...? I used to...doctor thought i was a looney.
  13. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    maybe you should hang onto that hope that things will change because they do x :console:
  14. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni


    I've been screwed over again today.

    Sometimes I wonder if my family intentionally tries to make me hurt myself.

    Either way they're very very good at it.
  15. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    *No need to reply to this, am just trying to get the reply number to one that doesn't bother me. The number before this one really bothers me.*
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