Yet again feel suicidal,almost did, walking back to course. If I'd taken one more step, I would've. I wonder what would happen if I went to the hospital and just stared at the receptionist. I don't have the energy, or the words, to say how I feel right now. I'll be home alone tonight, again. I don't know if I'd bother telling anyone this time. I had loose plans to go to someone's tonight, so I won't be alone, but I don't know if I have the energy to wait that long. That's over eight hours. I'm already feeling so utterly empty. Music isn't helping, being around people isn't helping, nothing that I've done is helping. The only words that come to mind are that I just feel so dead inside, I don't know what I'll do if I'm on my own. But my mind and body is screaming at me to be on my own. I'm not scared. I'm not anything.