yet another attempt

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Heavenly Star, Feb 12, 2010.

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  1. Heavenly Star

    Heavenly Star Well-Known Member

    another day, another OD. it never works (although I have come very close) yet I still hold onto the hope that one day it will. I know it's damaging me. I can feel it physically. as long as i die in the end I don't care how long it takes or how painful it is. Nothing can be worse than the emotional pain i am in. my life is a living hell. the sooner i remove myself from it, the better.

    There is nothing left for me here in this world. I'm just one big mistake. I wasn't meant to be.
  2. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Tell us why you feel this way. Maybe if we can get a dialogue going, we can help you.
  3. Glenn Cocoa

    Glenn Cocoa Member

    I have felt like this many times. Haven't tried to OD or anything, nor have I hurt myself in the past year since my hospitalization (unless you count the scratching I do to the inside of my forearm). But I feel like I don't know how much of this kind of life I can take. There are periods of joy here and there, but not enough to look forward to. And I can't tell my friends because I am just not getting better "fast enough," and I know I'm a big disappointment to them. And if I try to talk about it, I get replies like maybe I belong in the hospital. I don't think I do, but then again, what do I know? Everyone else knows better than I, because I'm "crazy" and therefore my opinion is moot. And on days that I feel good and competent and capable, I get responses like, "Oh, maybe you're not as sick as you say you are." Why can't people understand that just because I'm depressed (and doing my best to help myself!), it doesn't mean I'm lying or delusional?

    Although when I was in the hospital, it was helpful to talk to the rest of the patients openly about how we felt and how we've sought solace in hurting ourselves without shocking each other.
  4. ace1972

    ace1972 Member

    GC I hear you-

    I too have moments where I am not scraping the bottom and people see that as evidence that you are better and why do you feel like crap and want to end it all. Maybe I should be hospitalized. I dunno.
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