yet another relapse...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lexiundead, Sep 1, 2010.

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  1. lexiundead

    lexiundead Member

    so i've haven't cut in about... err, twentyish days. i felt really good about it and was thinking about getting rid of my stuff. then i got into fights with pretty much everyone, got told my family hates me cause i'm gay, and had to listen to my father talking about how fucked up i am. i finally couldn't take it and told myself it would only be one cut. but one turned into two and two turned into a lot more. three days straight i've been cutting again and last night i pretty much ran out of room so it would be hideable. not very fun when you break down AND you have a razor in your hand. i have to stop before this gets out of hand again.
     
  2. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    Lex-

    If your Father is telling YOU how fucking you are, then he needs to get a fucking reality check. Their's nothing wrong with being gay, in fact I've met some of the kindest and passionate and strong people, and they've turned out to be homosexual. I, myself, am bi-sexual.

    I know how hard it is to make it that long, and I sympathize with you when I say it can be VERY painful when you relapse (no pun intended.). I relapsed a little bit less then 2 weeks ago after a break up. But a relapse does not mean you have to keep cutting. It's nothing to be ashamed of, they happen from time to time because self harmers learn that cutting was an old coping mechanism, and we forget that we learned better ones. We turn to the quick fix in bad times, and bash ourselves for it. But when you (which you will.) figure out that you don't have to cut to deal, it's going to be so much easier when it's so much harder to keep clean. A relapse isn't the end of being clean, it's the beginning to self realization and the realization that one self doesn't need a physical thrill to cope.

    I hope you can come to terms with your parents. If your Dad is telling you your fucked up for being gay, then he's just the fucker that can't accept the fact his son's gay because he's scared. And just to let you know, your 10x stronger than he is and ever will be, because your the one putting up with HIS bullshit. The more shit you take the more shit you can handle.

    Ttyl,

    Ben.
     
  3. lexiundead

    lexiundead Member

    yeah.. well i've come to understand that my father is the bigggest jackass on the face of the earth. and like i've made promises to my bestfriend that i'll stop and i hate breaking them. even though she knows how hard it is to stop.

    and btw, i'm a girl. :p
     
  4. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    Whatever keeps you from cutting is a good thing. I hope you can stick to your promises. I know from experience that it's pretty hard to stick to them without a reminder. Ever heard of the butterfly? Draw a butterfly where ever you like to cut. Name that butterfly by your best friend, or even just write there name where you cut. When you pick up a razor or what have you, and you look at that spot and cut it, your killing the butterfly. Your goal is to keep it alive. But don't beat yourself up if you can't, like I said, it's hard.

    Ben.
     
  5. lexiundead

    lexiundead Member

    thanks dude. i'll try that..
     
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