yet another thread

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Mar 15, 2011.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    so i dont know what to do.

    Am upset, but have to hide my feelings a lot. Its frustrating but the best way i think.

    That special someone is in pain again and I dont know what to do. Its hard to see, to experience and I withdraw. I cant handle it. Its awful, I feel awful. I mean I'm here to get whatever is needed but I can't stand it too. I want out so bad so I don't experience this, but I can't do that. I'm not the one with the illness - how could someone with any compassion have the thoughts that I have?

    I feel guilty if I try to do something for me, I feel like I am letting them down and sometimes I think they make me feel that way on purpose. As crazy as that sounds.

    I don't like this at all, am so tearful. Wish I could be as strong as I project to others. I don't know how to get through this. It just highlights what a highwire we are living and balancing on. All of this treatment could be for nothing.

    So, are the thoughts of "getting out" some form of unconscious relief for me? Who is there for me? no one. This is hard, so hard.
     
  2. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Hey MoAnamCara,
    You don't sound crazy, you don't sound uncompassionate, you merely sound like someone who is really struggling right now, and who needs support. I'm sorry.. things sound really difficult for you, at the moment. The way you are thinking is natural, it is SO hard to see someone you love in pain, and it can leave you feeling helpless, useless even. And when something as painful as this happens, it is instinct to just run away, to make it stop. But you are doing really well. I know it doesn't feel that way but by posting and reaching out for support, you show your strength. Everyone needs support sometimes, especially when going through something like this. Please take care :arms:
     
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    thanks lost

    Its been a tough few days. I appreciate your words.
     
  4. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    I hope things start looking up for you soon, and get a little bit easier
     
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks, me too. :)
     
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