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Yet another

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by InnerStrength, Jan 26, 2011.

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  1. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Well, some guy was trying to call me gay at work, so I made a snide comment about what his own girlfriend said about him (which I believed he didn't think mattered), and he responded with "coming from someone who's never had a girlfriend!" I asked him where did that come from and he said
    "it came out of left field" or whatever, didn't buy it.

    Question is, (obviously any guess is an abstraction), why have others thought the same thing? While it is true, I don't know what I project about myself to give others this perception. I don't lie and make up stories like some guys do. I just don't say much regarding the opposite sex. Any suggestions?
  2. GammaRae

    GammaRae Active Member

    What DO you perceive to be different about yourself from straight guys in appearance and behaviorally? What do you think the straight guys do or look like that is different from you? You're the only person that can really pick this out. You know yourself best. If you yourself were trying to decide if a male coworker was heterosexual or homosexual what are the things that YOU would notice or look for when you are basing your opinion? When you meet a straight guy and you just "know" he is straight, why is that? What are the things about him that make you assume that and how is that different from your own appearance or behavior?

    I think that stereotypically when straight men attack another's sexuality it is because they do not find that person to be very masculine (not saying that you aren't!). Maybe that person isn't into sports or hunting or "man things". Maybe that person has some "feminine" characteristics like caring about their hair or clothing a lot. This is not to say that all gay men are feminine it is just to say that straight men may call another man of unspecified sexuality gay if they perceive them to have some sort of characteristic that is commonly associated with the opposite sex or if they don't have enough stereotypical characteristics of their own sex.

    Also if you really don't think there is anything about you that should seem "gay" it may be possible that these men don't REALLY know or think that you are gay. It may just be that unfortunately with men one of the most common insults towards other men for any reason is an attack on their sexuality.

    Some gay men have a stereotypical voice or tone to the way they speak. I don't know if you do or do not but this is something you might consider.

    In the end it doesn't really matter. I just hope you know that it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight, feminine or masculine as long as you can find a way to be happy with yourself and accepting of who you are.

    People attack the weak. Be confident in yourself and who you are. Don't let these comments get to you and don't respond to provocations and perhaps you will find a way to make yourself less of a target to comments that bother you.
  3. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    There seems to be a natural progression toward speculation over a person's sexuality when a person noticeably avoids the subject. When celebrities dodge questions over their sexual preference suspicion mounts and they get pigeon holed into the "in the closet" category.
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