Yet more panic atacks!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by getgo, Dec 27, 2009.

  1. getgo

    getgo Member

    Ok a mini rant and confession all in one!

    Mini rant starts with me going to the cemetery today after my last post this morning, talking about 9/11, I get to the cemetery.....have a panic attack (again), Takes a good 15 minutes to control it, but at least no one pays attention to you there and a good thing too! I go to my parents grave first, as always, then the other 7 family members, then back to mum and dad at the end, and another panic attack! This is really getting out of hand!

    I've been on this forum for a few days and already, as with 4 shrinks, two psychotherapists and several doctors, I can't handle pandora's box in my head.

    I talk/write a few things out then crash and burn. Which is why my book never got done or my poetry ended up in the shredder! Got back, panic attack, asthma attack and a migraine. Just because of me talking about my 9/11 day.

    The confession is a 4 inch cut on my forearm so the physical pain can take away the mental hell. Very superficial and very stupid, I thought I had that licked. The physical pain comes from the copious amounts of methylated spirit I pour on the cut. The pain certainly takes my mind of everything for a few seconds.

    A final thought, after reading Kittygirl's reply about selling a few things and go walkabout, I realised the only thing that I own is my parents grave. Irony eat your heart out!

    I need to try to put everything back in the box again, which takes a few days. Let's see what nightmares come out to play tonight.


    ps. I envy all your problems with your parents - I would give whatever's left in me to argue with any of mine instead of visiting their grave every week! While they are still alive there is always that chance of reconciliation. Death truly takes everything away......the only people that can hurt you are the ones you love. Think about it! (Sorry I'm in T*ss*r mode.)
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 27, 2009
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Sorry cant offer anything but :arms:. I'm so sorry for your loss and how it affects you so deeply. I suffer from panic or anxiety attacks too. I know how devasting they can be. So please let me atleast offer that I understand. Not your pain of losing your parents. But the pain that plagues you because of that loss.