You All Hate Me I Depart

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DrowningInTears, Jun 16, 2008.

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  1. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    goodbye all i know i only annoy and upset people, because i am not the same as anybody i am not human not even animal. everyone here cant stand me they hate me which is ok because i deserve hate and cruelty

    i have finally been banned from chat which it is just the kind of push i need when i am at my lowest point.

    all of you i chatted with we can now never talk again, which hurts deeply. and that is just what i need. DEEP HURT. it hurts so terribly if you form a bond with somebody and that bond is cut off. it is a hideously painful hurt that will terrify and torture me from now on, it will never go away.

    i need to be pushed and hurt until i lose all control and go through with it. thank you for pushing me my pressure has built up more while i was here i can feel it is close

    i will try to find a forum or chatroom or something that is pro death and give me more push over the edge i just need some more. more people hating me more people pushing me. i have never belonged anywhere i dont belong here or anywhere. take me to the grave in a miserable painful degrading disgusting death <edit: graphic>

    and we shall never talk again
    my tears flow red
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2008
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I don't hate you :sad:
    PM me or my aim sn is doublecolorless9

  3. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    nobody hates you dit, we have all repeatedly told you that. im sorry you still insist we do :hug:
  4. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    The chatroom isn't that great. The boards are better. Stick to the boards.
  5. Christianv2

    Christianv2 Well-Known Member

    You asked to be banned from the chat, I was there :blink:

    Im sorry you feel the way you do, and I hope you do feel better, but you cant blame it on something you wanted. Seems a bit odd. Regardless, Were not here to judge but maybe if you told people what was up and talked why you feel this way, maybe youll feel better. Good luck.
  6. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    Just to clarify that nobody was or will get banned because they ask to be. x
  7. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    The hate you're feeling towards yourself, maybe you're subconsciously trying to make others hate you, to make you feel like you really are as alone as you feel so that it will make it easier for you to kill yourself. I don't hate you, no one here hates you. :hug: Take care of yourself.
  8. Christianv2

    Christianv2 Well-Known Member

    I know, im just saying its odd to complain for something that someone asked to have.

    I still wish you the best.
  9. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    Yes tell me how odd and outrageous i am. i deserve every bad thing that happens to me. i need more torment. i am on a path of destruction. i will destroy myself bit by bit until i have nothing left. until the pain is so great that it pushes me to do things i never thought possible before. why would i ask to be ban? to hurt myself of course. when i lose all my friends i made on chat it will pierce my heart and drive me insane. the sadness of that loss will torment me every day. i will continue to tear down everything good in my life until i am a vessel of despair and torment.

    and scousejm you said i would be ban from chat for 7 days why not just make it forever and ban me from the site alltogether. because if the ban is ever lifted i will be sure i get banned again, permanatnly. and my heart will be shattered. i dont really do forums much chat was all that kept me going. and thats why i had to destroy it. destroy anything that helps me. i dont want to survive this i want to fail and die have my heart broken so that i inflict hideous mutilations upon myself.

    do it. break my heart. delete my account. ban me from forum and from chat. sever every bond. drive me into isolation. i want everything good left in my life destroyed, burnt to the ground.

    everything i do is to hurt and torment myself physically and emotionally and mentally.
  10. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    nobodys gonna delete your account and we all hope you will feel better son :hug:
  11. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I understand that this self depreciation is a symptom of some sort so I'm not sure why I'm posting. I know I can't convince you not to hate yourself or that everybody doesn't hate you but I'll try.

    First of all, I'm a stranger. I don't even know you. Why would I hate you? You may have a point. There may be some people who don't like you. It is like that for everyone. But everyone doesn't hate you.
  12. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    are u saying you're intentionally making people dislike you so you'd get sad enuff to kill yourself...woah thats a new and innovative one! lol

    but like ScouseJM said - I dont hate you either (i'd tell you if i did) from what little contact we've had I find you pretty intriguing actually n well if you think other people thinking your odd or outrageous is a bad thing then i guess that was a bad thing to say- but i dont think being weird is a bad thing.

    I thought you were just taking the piss out of the ppl here on SF at first actually from the way u were in chat. Im not convinced though and hope your not like that
  13. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I was one of the people who you chatted to, alot in fact. You did ask repeatedly to be banned and we all asked you to move to the triggering subjects room because some of the things you were saying on chat were triggering other members, I know this because I spoke with them. We all tried to get you to calm down, but you insisted that you wanted to be banned.

    None of the mods wanted to ban you as that really is a last resort here. I'm sure it upset them as much as anything else having to ban you. I suggest you talk to ScouseJM as NONE of the ops were targeting you and nobody here hates you. I think alot of us ether hate ourselves or have been hated too much to hate.

    You also have to remember that alot of the people in the chat yesterday were going through some very painful things, and some of what you were saying was very upsetting for them. I know your not perminantly banned from chat, but you'll have to talk to the ops about the details as I'm not going behind their backs. I suggest you use the time you are banned to really think about what is making you feel those things then maybe we can help you.
  14. still_undead

    still_undead New Member

    I'm very new here. I've been trying to read and understand as much as I can.

    I don't hate you.

    I would comfort you... if you would accept it...
  15. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    I don't think you want to destroy yourself. I think you need confirmation that you are not as terrible of a person as you suspect yourself to be. How can you be what you say you are when there is no such thing as a bad person? :(
  16. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    DIT I am sorry you are hurting so much. I know it is difficult to believe others do not hate you when you hate yourself. You mention that you are on a path of self destruction. Why not change that? Of course bad things may happen to you if you force them to. Instead of working so hard at hating yourself and trying to ensure everyone else does to, why not use that energy to help yourself out of this deep, dark pit you are creating. Only you have that power you know. We can offer support and understanding, but until you accept it, it does nothing.
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