You almost have to laugh...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DepressionII, Apr 23, 2007.

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  1. DepressionII

    DepressionII Well-Known Member the irony of this one.

    My (internet) girlfriends mum found MSN convos in which I'd threatened suicide (not directly to my girlfriend but with other circumstances involved). She was due to meet me in a paltry 5 weeks from now after we had not met, but been in love online, for about 15 months. Know what it's like to fall for someone but never meet them in 15 months, only to have her flight snatched the fuck away from ya? So I end up suicidal AGAIN because of suicidal threats in vain, that I'd made in the past. I don't know whether this is simple irony, karma, or getting what I deserve, but it's at least one of those three.

    If my heart wasn't heavier than a house, or my body didn't feel like it constructed of led instead of flesh and bones, I'd be laughing at my own irony.

    If it were three years later, I'd simply elope. But as it is, we're just a bit too young to support ourselves, she's got a year of school left, and I don't have enough money to support her. She's being defiant and says she'll wait another year for me, but I don't know if I can stomach that long.

    My internet is supposed to have been cut off and I don't know why it's on, so I may not get your replies... if anyone chooses to reply that is.

    Am I suicidal? No. I'm just numb with shock. I don't know what to do next, nor how to break it to her in a way that we can put off our feelings for a year or so. I don't think it's even possible. I also don't want another girlfriend - I'm convinced she's the best and I live in a country with mostly whining, plastic, money-grabbing sluts for women - I won't say which country at risk of offending someone here.

    I don't even know what I want anyone to say. Again, as I said, if anyone should bother to reply at all.

    That's my word...
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    So her mum won't let her meet you?
    Is she very far from you? Maybe you two could meet up secretly..if you wanted too. Or try phone calls if you haven't already.
  3. DepressionII

    DepressionII Well-Known Member

    Yeah man, as I said we're in different hemispheres. And no, it's nothing like opposite ends of Ecuador. We do phone each other occasionally, but it's damn expensive. And the repercussions from my parents when I get home from meeting her in secret... I forgot to add, I'm a spineless **** who will bend any way his parents want him too and suffer needless guilt over what they want.
    Thanks for trying though man :)
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I know how hard internet relationships are. And they tear you up inside because you can't even touch the one you love, and no matter how hard to wish you'd be together it never happens. I was in love with someone 10,000 miles away, and yeah it was great but not being there in person sucks. It looks like you two will have to've waited over a year already, so you must have something strong!
  5. DepressionII

    DepressionII Well-Known Member

    We do, and there's stuff I've told her which I'd really rather not have to go through telling another girl also. I guess I don't have to sort it out now but oh well. Hehe, funny, my relationship was 10,000 miles also. Well not funny, but... you know what I mean.

    Also, I just figured out you're a lady. So, sorry about calling you "man" before.
  6. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    Man? woman?
    don't worry about it :p

    You work so hard to get where you are in the relationship that you just don't want to throw it all away. Don't give up.
  7. What has happened is very sad. You deserve to be with the person you love and nothing should stop you from being able to. I hope you will be able to meet with her somehow.
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