I have random revelations. I haven't had thoughts of suicide in 2 days. Lately I've been sleeping with a teddy bear a lot. I even talk to "him." I've found it very similar as talking to a therapist. It's not that the therapist has some new insight for me, but it's that they are non-judgemental. I feel safe there. And I felt safe no where else. I think we already know deep down what is best for us, it's just a matter of believing in ourselves. But anyway, I started to realize. This teddy bear doesn't judge me. My room does not judge me. I took a walk in the park. And the trees do not judge me. And then I started to believe that no one was judging me. That only I am judging myself. I started to let go of all guilt, and love myself for who I've been, who I am, and who I will be. I saw a big part holding myself back was guilt. That's why I've also tried to encorporate nihilism into my life. That no one choice is better than another. There is no "right" and "wrong." It's helped me to release guilt and love myself a little better. But basically, I felt yesterday that the entire universe loves me, and does not judge me, and that I could only love back. Remember you are the guiltless sons and daughers of "God" (or whatever you wanna call it).