You are FREAKING kidding me!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by FallingLeaf, Jul 25, 2008.

  1. FallingLeaf

    FallingLeaf Member

    His ex girlfriend- the one that he claimed so insane, stabbed him, and treated him like shit for years contacted me the other day. She'd seen a link for my livejournal, and left a very simple, very nice comment, basically saying "Please change my name to an initial or an alias. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry he did this to you too."

    I'd been wondering for awhile how honest he'd been with me about his ex, so I contacted her back. We've been chatting quite a bit over the past few days, and I've found out so many things about him. He was cheating on me all along with a woman he SWORE to me nothing would happen with (she was married and has a 6 year old). He cheated on his ex various times. She never stabbed him, but he did attack her and she got so upset she stabbed herself. He's been trying to get her back since BEFORE he started dating me, and even while he and I were physically together he was asking her to have a child with him. He's had more girls than I can count on the side that he's done this to as well. He lied to some people and told them I was basically delusional and we weren't dating, and to others that he wanted to marry me.

    He fits all of the descriptions of a socio/psychopath.

    I'm just so confused. I'm angry at him and moreso, angry at myself for letting myself get played as a fool. For believing him. My self esteem is sub zero. I feel like complete crap, I have no motivation to do anything BEYOND how the depression was affecting me.

    My depression has already hit rock bottom, the anxiety is rising, and I've basically completely relapsed into my eating disorder. All over someone that LIED to me from the start. I can't fucking stand myself right now. I hate myself for letting this happen.

    He eradicated my self esteem, called me manipulative and passive aggressive, a lot of other things that really hurt. I'm not manipulative at all, I'm too honest and nice for that. He's used every emotional problem I have against me. During the entire relationship he would make me feel ugly by comparing me to Arab women (the woman he's now with, that he'd been cheating on me with, is Arab), saying white women are disgusting- I'm blonde, blue eyed, tall, basically as white as you can get. He always made snide comments that brought me down, HE always brought me down. And I cant bring myself back up.

    I can't believe I fell in love with a sociopath. And I can't believe that I can't even be angry at him. I'm still so hurt and angry at myself for all of this. I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore, and I already had so many problems with trust before.

    This is slowly wearing away at me, it's killing me. I keep having to resist trying to kill myself again, only for my mother's sake. And I still have to wait until August 18 to start seeing a psychiatrist, which means three more weeks of feeling like this before I can talk to someone who will at least have some sort of backing on what to tell me.

    I just dont know where to go from here, what to do. I have so many problems already, and since I've joined I've basically only posted about the relationship because it's put so much stress on everything else. It's like, on top of everything else, it's CONSTANTLY ON THE TOP OF MY MIND.

    I just wish I could forget that he exists. That he's done this to every other girl, will continue, and doesn't regret it at all. That he never gave a shit about me.

    What do I do? Where do I go? How can I get over this?
  2. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    you're on the right track you know what he's about. Fuck that sucks that he was such a fuck off . . . . It's hard to notice good liars, they've had years of practice manipulating people. You know that now, so it's okay to be angry with yourself and depressed for coming through such a bad experience.

    What do you do? I've never had a heart break so I can't tell you. I can tell you this, ain't no man worth so much as a life.