You are.........?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Anonymous2, Nov 23, 2007.

?

You are.......

  1. A man who has never had a girlfriend or dated.

    41 vote(s)
    27.5%
  2. A man who has never had a girlfriend.

    7 vote(s)
    4.7%
  3. A man who has had 1-2 girlfriends.

    31 vote(s)
    20.8%
  4. A man who has had 3+ girlfriends.

    14 vote(s)
    9.4%
  5. A woman who has never had a boyfriend or dated.

    12 vote(s)
    8.1%
  6. A woman who has never had a boyfriend.

    7 vote(s)
    4.7%
  7. A woman who has had 1-2 boyfriends.

    19 vote(s)
    12.8%
  8. A woman who has had 3+ boyfriends.

    18 vote(s)
    12.1%
  1. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member

    Answer the poll and if you want, state you age and any other details about your relationship experience and/or cause of your situation.
     
  2. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member

    I’m a 25 year old man who has never had a girlfriend or been on a date. My lack of relationships is mostly due to psychological abnormalities such as avoidant personality disorder. I have a number of things to be depressed about (for example, having severe chronic neck pain), but being without romantic love for my entire life is probably the most difficult part of my life. The feeling of utter loneliness and desolation that consumes my heart and soul is hard to ignore. I’ve managed to escape some of these feelings of loneliness by indulging myself in vivid daydreams and using my imagination to escape reality, but it’s hardly enough to satisfy the love my heart yearns for.
     
  3. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    same..and most girls think im rude or arrogant because they perceive me that way even though im just afraid of ppl in general...and i also disgust them to some extent..
     
  4. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    It's interesting to see how the women are greatly at an advantage...and how the men don't really have anything. This is from Nov 23rd.(Right now, but yeah more people vote as it goes on and such)
     
  5. $MyName

    $MyName Well-Known Member

    All the women don't have trouble finding boyfriends it seems :O
     
  6. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Interesting!
     
  7. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member

    I hypothesize that as the poll continues to run we see a great disparity between the number of men who’ve never been in a relationship compared to the number of women who’ve never been in a relationship. I think this phenomenon is mostly due to gender discrimination and/or expectations.

    I our society men are expected to be outgoing, aggressive, and always make the first move. Because of these expectations, men will always have more difficult finding relationships. If a man is too shy, he will have an extremely difficult time finding love because nearly all women dislike or hate men who are shy. Shy women, on the other hand, are highly desirable by some men, as a result, they can still be successful in relationships. Obviously, this is not the case for every shy girl or every shy guy; nonetheless, I surmise my hypothesis will be confirmed as the poll continues to show significantly more men who’ve never been in relationships compared to women.
     
  8. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member

    Another interesting phenomenon that can be extrapolated from these poll result, as of right now, is that 6/7 or 86% of suicidal men have never been in a relationship. Even with such result, most social apt individuals and society in general refuse to accept lack of relationships as a legitimate reason for depression and/or suicidal thoughts. People who’ve been in relationships often says things like, “You’re lucky you’ve never been in a relationship, at least you’ve never had your heart broken” or “Relationships are overrated”.

    I’ve never been in a relationship so I don’t know what it would be like to lose an intimate relationship; nonetheless, I think it is better to know love then lose it than to never know love. Not only do people who’ve never been in relationships have no fond memories of love, but they also are denied both sympathy and empathy because people see their situation as a result of their own misdoings. People assume people who are alone want to be alone and deserve to be alone. Society wants loner to suffer and they never have and never will give a flying fuck about them.

    I think these result are showing just how significant life-long denial of romantic relationship are, and that being alone is no trifling matter. If never being in a relationship was no big deal, why are so many of us who’ve never been in relationships suicidal. I think it is time that our society pulls their head out of their ass and acknowledges life-long lack of relationships as a legitimate cause of depression and suicide.
     
  9. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    Two points:

    1) I find it difficult to believe that somebody can go through life and never meet a woman just because they are shy. I'm really shy but I've met women who've made me feel relaxed and comfortable. No, I think if you go through life and never date, there's something else there (which I'm not even going to attempt to describe in my case).

    2) I was good friends with a lass who did crazy stuff, jumped off bridges, set fire to herself, none of which worked, we didn't have an intimate relationship, we didn't love each other, and in many ways I'm glad. I think it's good to care about other people, but not loving people makes me feel safer, it's hard to describe, it's like I'm in my own little world and nothing outside can get to me, being in a relationship would make everything more 'real'. (I hope that doesn't sound too crazy!).

    Anyway, I think being single is difficult, but being in a relationship is difficult too, we just have to try and make the best of the situation we're in I guess.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2007
  10. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    22 year old male and never had a girlfriend or even had a date. The thing is that I'm not completely separate from girls, in fact I have had many as friends. I actually have more girls as close friends than guys. I'm just not the type of guy any of them want to date.

    As for the clear difference between men and women, it's quite simple. All a girl has to do is say yes. Men are the ones that are supposed to do everything else (granted there are always exceptions). But it's kinda funny and depressing that in a time that is so focused on equality between men and women, relationships are the one area where it seems to be ok for the female to be a submissive participant and the man has to be a confident aggressor.
     
  11. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    From just looking at the poll results, yeah it does look like women have an easier time geting a boyfriend than vice versa. But I'd like to ask the ladies, how many of these relationships were abusive or controlling? How many of these relationships have contributed a lot to you being depressed and suicidal? To the guys, it really doesn't matter about the number of relationships you have, it's whether they make you feel loved or not. I'd bet anything you like that the majority of the relationships the women of this site have been in weren't good. Why be jealous of that? A relationship where you're beaten, called names, and cheated on is nothing to long for, believe me. The advice has been given time and time again. Being shy is not a barrier to having a relationship. A lot of guys are so hung up on just getting any girl, and women can sense that. Seriously, what woman would want to be with a guy who doesn't really want them, their own unique personality, looks, faults, and all, but who just wants "a girlfriend"?
     
  12. A_Loser

    A_Loser Well-Known Member

    21 year old guy here. Had a girlfriend once, were together for almost two years ... she didn't give a flying f**k about me, cause i'm ugly, unattractive, have no sense of humor, no self-esteem, social capabilities of a roadkill ... and thats why i can't get a girlfriend any more ... i'm just one big faliure ... i lose! :sad:

    Women do have easier time getting dates, thats a fact. Now, what kind of relationship that is ... is it good or not, is not a question here ... guys can just as easy get into an abusive, advantage taking relationship.
     
  13. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I know men can be in abusive relationships too, I'm a guy who's been in one. Beaten pretty much everyday for two years. What I don't understand is why a lot of guys on this site assume that because women might have had more boyfriends that they've received any more love than them. What is showing that women get more dates than guys going to prove? This will just turn into another "I haven't got a girlfriend cos women are bitches and only date arseholes" thread. I don't know any women who would find that an attractive attitude for a guy to have. Stop thinking of women as things to posses and try seeing them as people and friends and you might find women asking you out for a change.
     
  14. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    This thread seems aimed for straight people only. Malcontent talks a lot of sense. I've been in an abusive "relationship" if you could call it that:dry:, with a man who was exactly like what was mentioned, treating women like objects and something to possess to make himself feel better and had absolutely no female friends and talked about "females" like they were aliens.
     
  15. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    In most of the relationships I have been in I have either been abused physically or emotionally and controled. I for one think that having been in that many relationships where I have been abused whether it phyiscally, mentally or emotionally I would have learned but I didnt. However now I am learning. I am with a great guy who loves me for me and he makes me feel things I havent felt in a long time.
     
  16. A_Loser

    A_Loser Well-Known Member

    I don't think anyone here said they get more love? they do get more ... dates. Which mean they can find a good relationship/guy more easily. Whereas a guy who can't even get a date/girlfriend has less odds of having a good relationship.

    Then theres all that human contact and lack of one ... which adds to depression.

    I don't think most of guys here who never had a girlfriend aren't aiming at a perfect relationship at first try .... they want to be able to give dating at least a try .. and see what happens. They're unable to do so due to numerous reason and problems ... and that just leads to even bigger state of depression.
     
  17. I wonder what love is anymore. I wonder if I've ever really been loved.
     
  18. xighsequite

    xighsequite Active Member

    I'm 18, have had four girlfriends... lasted 3 months, 3 months - was engaged, didn't work out -, 4 months, and the final relationship lasted exactly one year.

    It was a long distance relationship; she visited for New Years/our anniversery; when she left I never called again.

    I'm very, very shy, and unsociable. The fact that I've had girlfriends is because I was desperate for affection, and because I had a compulsive need to help people be happy. When they were able to find happiness on their own, I detached emotional ties with them in the least painful way possible, for them.

    It may also help your data for me to inform you that they all, at least, said they were in love with me, and were very affectionate and sweet. But, throughout the relationships, I was depressed, and did not feel this "love"; although I did lie to them for the sake of their own happiness. Apparently, my definition of love has always been different, or I've simply never felt it. I did care for them intensely, but refused to define it as love.

    I enjoyed each of the relationships for no more than one week, and from that point on only continued to make sure I didn't hurt them.

    I don't know if this is relevant, but I could never have any sexual relations with any of them.
    It would have increased the guilt I felt after we detached, and I believe I would have likely thrown up, simply because I was being so untruthful, and that makes me sick.

    Your reaction to relationships makes you sad or happy, happiness is not inherent of love - but I do wish all of you whom haven't had the oppurtunity, to love or be loved, could experience it once.

    In my case, I haven't asked anyone for help because I'm going to commit suicide. It's a fact, and it's unalterable.
    There is one person, though, who will think the worst if I don't call her. I remain to ease her mind and do what I can for her own future, and then I will go.
     
  19. riz

    riz Senior Member

    I'm 20 years old, and I've never had a boyfriend or significant relationship....at all.

    I'd like to change that. lol
     
  20. xighsequite

    xighsequite Active Member

    Actually, considering a human's life span and brain development, some pretty smart scientists think we shouldn't have serious relationships until well past our teen years.

    That's not how things work nowadays, but it probably is the best decision.

    Relationships are supposed to be things you deeply consider and stuff, ya know? If you want to be promiscuous, no one's going to stop you, but if you want to have a good relationship you'll increase your odds if you are sure to approach someone you believe will be compatible with you for many years.

    so like... not when you're a teenager and changing your opinions, and thus your attractions, every day.

    Or someone who will never be compatible with you, thus providing you with endless entertainment.