you can't fix this

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Carcinogen, May 5, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    What do you do when the only thing keeping you alive stops working? When you do it repeatedly, and more severely each time, trying to get back that relief, but it just won't come back? When the physical pain just won't compensate for existence anymore? When you know that you have to keep trying to retrieve it, but the only thing that's going to work will kill you? When you can't see a way forward?
    How about when you're alone, with all the time you need? When you have the opportunity and nothing will interrupt? When everything you need is just in the next room, waiting for you?
    Do you continue on a path which seems to have no ending, no aim and is so exhausting, or do you choose oblivion, here and now?
    Do you live or die?

    Humanity is wrong: you can't fix this. Maybe it doesn't even need to be fixed.
  2. theothermask

    theothermask Member

    I admit, if everything I need would be in next room, I probably would not be alive anymore. But I am still to afraid of painful death, I am afraid to change my mind at the moment its too late.
    But I think that people who comes here, are not with completely straight goal to finish themselves, they are unconsciously looking for help. Something in them holds back the final.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    In answer to your question, what I do is ask myself what am I failing to do or see that would assist me in 'getting to the next room'..for me it is usually fear or shame...these are the perceptions that usually distort my thinking and cause me to become fairly inert...hope you find your path again...J
  4. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    I can't believe I write shit like this...I must think I'm so profound when I'm drunk. See, this is why I want to delete stuff I write half the time!! I think the reason I didn't go and use what I had in the next room was that I couldn't see staright, much less walk there...I typed fantastically well considering the amount of vodka I drank though, even if the content was pretentious bullshit :biggrin:

    and now I'm rambling...well that's boredom for you...
  5. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member

    Well then you make a lot of sense when your drunk lol. Whether you go on or not depends on how far you've fallen. Some people get to a state where no positive stimuli has any effect on them and only the negative remains in their lives. Living becomes unbearable and death becomes inviting. Most people in this state choose death.

    Personally the only reason Im still here is to tie up all my loose ends and make sure my family has a shot at an amazing future. I have no problems killing myself this instant but I can never be so selfish as to leave them high and dry with no hope for the future. My tool/method to pass into the afterlife has been well researched and bought. Now its just a matter of waiting.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.