You cant fix your problems

#1
I had a plan, a fix to most of my problems. It wasn't ideal, but it was going to work. I finally had hope that I'd be able to turn my life around - it really would have worked too, but as usual things go wrong.

I was planning to sell my vehicle to get my down payment on my new house (I moved cities and am currently staying with family). This was going to work, and all I had to do was get my house in my last town sold in the meantime. I took out a small loan to have professionals come in and do a check and cleaning of my house to help it along.

I found out yesterday that I have a lot of damage that needs to get fixed - $10k-$15k worth. Basically I'm going to lose my down payment on the home because I'll need to instead spend it on repairing everything, and then will have to wait until my home sells before I can do anything - it has been taking 1-2 years in the current housing market.

I was heartbroken last night (still am), and those negative suicidal thoughts crossed my mind again. I was trying to fix my problems, but I was coming up with more problems than I was fixing. I did deserve it though, those problems wouldn't have existed if I hadn't spent the last few years in a depression that kept me from caring about the problems when they were small. I could have prevented all of this, but I didn't.

As if this wasn't hard enough, I have to tell my family what's going on since I won't be out as early as they are expecting. My family will belittle me and make me feel guilty and ashamed about my failures, so with me doing it to myself every waking moment, I'm not looking forward to them helping in making me feel like more of a failure.

I realize this isn't the end of the world, but it doesn't stop it from feeling like it is. I will end up eventually selling my home, though I'll likely lose the property I was planning to buy while I wait.

Sorry, I had to vent. I am really sorry, I haven't contributed anything but my negativity.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#2
Brekke, there's an old saying in the military: "No plan survives contact with the enemy." The 'enemy' in this case being the dynamic, always changing reality we live in. Having a plan is good. Always. But what's also always good is, knowing, going in, that most, if not all of the players in the scenario will not be on board with our plan, and in fact, will have plans of their own. Sitting down and formulating a plan is just the very beginning. Responding to unforeseen factors and developments and correspondingly adapting that plan is the main, ongoing thing.
 

Acy

Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
Admin
SF Supporter
#3
@Brekke - I’m sorry to hear things are not going “as planned.” You feel heartbroken about it AND you are being so resilient in realizing that it will take some extra time and maybe some refiguring of plans/goals for a while. I think you are handling this extremely well. Plans cannot always account for everything that might happen. What we can do is adapt our plans according to unexpected snags and you are doing that. I think if anyone belittles you, they are 1) nasty and 2) not seeing that you are doing all you can and in fact all the right things!

Also, you were depressed, so that fact might have contributed to how things are today. I do not think there is any blame or fault to be attached because you were depressed. You didn’t ask to be depressed and having a hard time. Please, if you can, be gentle with yourself about that, ok?

*big hugs!* You’re doing all the right things as far as I can tell! :)
 

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