You can't lie to the Devil

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Prof.Bruttenholm, Jan 9, 2011.

  1. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I have reached the crossroads of my life.
    Choosing a path to walk is now the hardest thing I've faced.

    But before I do anything else, I need to know something.
    I want to know if I have actually helped anyone on this forum, at all.
    Be 100% honest, tell me exactly how, because if I have helped more people than I have hurt being an arrogant ass that I am, then maybe I was wrong and maybe I don't deserve half of the shit life has decided to hand me.

    Don't lie, don't embellish upon truths, if I haven't truly helped you in anyway, then don't tell me otherwise.

    Now the opposite, who have I hurt? I know there are at least a few on here, be open, be honest and tell me.

    Nothing anyone says will be held against them.
    Though I'd appreciate as few people as possible posting such lines as "I am sure you didn't hurt anyone hun" or something of the like.
  2. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Ouch, hurts that you dont want PM's anymore.

    But reading your post helps me understand that Im not the only one that has alot of anger built up and dont know what to do to release it.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You have help me as i to relate to you anger i relate to the pain of hating people It helps to see you reaching out here to release that pain. I have done that as well. I hope i am making some sense here
  4. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Some of your posts did help me because what you have to say makes me stop and think and i can relate to you a lot because i get angry as well at the littlest of things
  5. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Only two people. I knew I deserved all the crap that happened to me, I hate my life.
  6. Kina

    Kina Member

    Well, you want honesty - My feelings were hurt when you blew me off at the end there. I tried not to take it personally, but with the nature of my emotions, I wound up doing that anyway.

    I don't read the forum much, but I really enjoyed our convos in PM. You're incredibly bright and insightful, and can be sweet(yes, I said that). Despite feeling hurt, talking to you helped me work on not taking everything so much to heart...Although that's a lifelong battle for me, I appreciate every opportunity to exercise that.
  7. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I am going to kill myself.

    I can't afford to go to college, I can't achieve my dream.
    I received no financial aid, even though my previous college, a fucking community college, gave me full help and I couldn't even afford to go there.
    I fucking hate my life.
    I knew this would happen, I work hard, get halfway there and then get told I can't.
    One semester costs almost half of what I make in a year because I have such a shitty paying job and I even work 30 hours a week and still make next to nothing.
    I can't afford loans, I can't afford anything.
    My fucking GPA is too low to afford me any scholarships and my art sucks so bad I can't win any contests.
    I am screwed, just another fucking worthless nothing.

    I am going to kill myself.
  8. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    you've helped me...for a while I was down and only thing that perked me up was that I was going to get your pm...I was so happy when I would saw it in my inbox...still am...but I tried pm you but it says that you're under moderation so I can't :(

    some days I was just blah, just unable to function and having you as a friend to talk to everyday made me feel better, that at least I had that going on...and of course I wanted to help you back and so that too helped me realize what type of person I am etc...
  9. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I don't know why I am still banned, I had only six points which was supposed only to last one week, but now it's been more than one week.
    So maybe I have been permanently banned.
  10. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I've been banned for a month from this site.
    Well a month from the 6th.

    I have been trying to find a better option for college but it seems will not have one.
    My last chance will still end up costing as much as my current.

    I have no chance at my dream.

    I will have to kill myself.