you dont need anyone when your dead

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by painfulmuse, Aug 6, 2013.

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  1. painfulmuse

    painfulmuse Member

    whats the point in life? i just dont see it, if life is meant to be painful and torturing then so be it!, no one will remember me when im in the ground, and i dont need anyone when im dead so theres no point in saying goodbye, instead ill say hello to the light and the bliss of a peaceful existance. i dont know what its like on the other side as no one whos been there has survived to tell me, but i like to think its calm, unlike my head. ive had enough of the mood swings and no one truly understanding me, people think i can and should just snap out of it and be a good girl and take my meds, well guess what they dont bloody work, nothing works, ive tried distraction techniques and they worked for a while but the pain and torment has now taken over, its overwhelming, like something is crushing my chest and i cant breathe, like im in a large room filled with people screaming at the top of my lungs with no one listening, i am a ghost, to pass through this so called life being invisible and ignored. i cant be ignored if dead i will be forgotten maybe not right away but i will be, i will be a distant memory that fades through time, one day even my daughter will forget me and i hope, wish and pray its sooner rather then later. i will not need anyone when i am dead............this IS not a suicide note
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 6, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your daughter will not forget never i can honestly say that and she will need someone then I can hear your cries your pain and sadness and i know because i am there too
    It is so hard to want to be heard and no one listens You are NOT alone ok we are all here supporting you meds help to a point but i agree the pain is hard to deal with
    my meds help me to cope better with the sadness and pain You hun are needed here ok you are not invisible to your child she feels you love and she sees you
    Keep talking to us hun keep reaching out ok i know it is hard i find it so hard to reach out for help Here no one will judge you or say stupid things like snap out of it because we know there is no such thing ok these people that say that are ignorant to what mental illness is hun Here anytime you need to vent to talk to be heard ok were here.
     
  3. painfulmuse

    painfulmuse Member

    i just simply want to die, i cant handle anymore i want it over i want the tears to stop i want everything to stop, my death will be the best thing for my daughter all i give to her is pain
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No NO NO that is the depression the distorted thoughts of depression ok i know ive been there Your daughter will not be better without you hear that if you hear anything else she will NOT be better without you I am sorry you are so sad in so much pain now is the time hun to go into hospital for care ok talk to someone do not let those distorted thoughts take you away from the one that will always need you please hun hold on
     
  5. painfulmuse

    painfulmuse Member

    my mum told me to kill myself and that my daughter is better off without me as her mum. i tried to end it on thursday and ended up in resus and then again on sunday but i even fail at dying!!!!
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your mom is the ill one for saying that You need to get away from her toxic environment reach out and get help you deserve for you and for your daughter please hun
    i know you are suffering please please step back reach out and get help you deserve to be happy and to heal and you can with proper help.
    your little girl will not be better off she will always wonder why you left her she will blame herself she will hate herself don't do that ok please hun don't listen to your mother You go back to hospital and stay there until you are stable hugs
     
  7. painfulmuse

    painfulmuse Member

    im not crazy i dont need hospital treatment
     
  8. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I have had a similar talk with another member.

    Would it really ever be the best option for your daughter to be without you as a parent? No. Read the Loved and Lost section to find the impact of some who have lost family members - does it really ever go away? Or do people learn to handle the rougher times?

    As for not being listened to, that really sucks - I think you'd probably do better with some form of therapy at least, for someone to be listening to what is going on with you.
     
  9. painfulmuse

    painfulmuse Member

    i got myself a counseller last week but it doesnt seem to be helping! ive attempted to end my life 3 times in the last week and still am wanting/planing to try again, and as for my daughter she wouldnt notice if i wasnt around, i hardly see her now due to my mum being in control of everything!
     
  10. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I seem to be pointing people in the direction of this thread a lot lately...

    http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?127090-Medication-and-depression

    But it could be worth a read because the user who started it took a fair while to get through it - but patience and persistence are key to living.

    Is there a reason you mum wants to control everything? Maybe remind her that you are the kids father and you want to spend the time doing things if possible (There's nothing better really than doing things with/for your own child - above anything else in my eyes, something that I have missed for a number of years but I remember that joy of doing those things - An excuse to be a big kid again)
     
  11. get me out

    get me out Active Member

    im sorry you are hurting :( <Mod Edit - Acy - Inappropriate>
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 9, 2013
  12. gubby

    gubby Active Member

    I truly understand how you are feeling. I've been going though some of the same shit as well. but i do have something to live for. i can't take disappointment and dying would just ruin my dad. it would be the same for your daughter. we can fight together.
     
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