fuck it. My birthday is next week and I have nothing I want, nothing to show for my age, and nothing to be proud of. I still have no one who actually understands how serious I consider suicide on a daily basis. I feel like i've gone over it all..in a considerate manner. If i were to kill myself I'd want to leave my room clean, take a shower, leave the ferrets cage clean and pretty, any cash I have, and of course a long meaningless letter. I'd throw out anything I wouldn't want found. Perhaps mail a letter to him, letting him know he helped tie the knot which sealed my fate? heh theres a warm comforting thought. With my luck I would have no peace, knowing i'd kill my mother on the inside. I guess i'll continue to hold onto that. I have a good family..why can't I be someone in my eyes?