You guys have done a good thing

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Henri, Aug 19, 2012.

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  1. Henri

    Henri Member

    ..by making this forum. Im sure through you guys, countless lives have been saved. I was wondering if you guys can help me. Im about 2 and a half years out from a divorce. It was terrible. My ex and I are great co parents and things are going well. However I feel like crap because I have this wonderful new girlfriend (about two months) . She's smart and fun and a bag of chips. Im very confident in us. Or, I was until my ex left her current situation. Long story short, she left her significant other with a note and not saying a word. Something in the back of my mind thought she was going to ask me back. I wanted to take her back for a short while. This is not healthy for me. Im in a new relationship. Even though I never cheated, I feel like I did in my heart and mind. Tell me this...After almost three years should I not be with anyone? I feel like Im not over my ex yet but I need to be. The thought of going through that much hurt again is unbearable. Im an honorable person but I dont feel like one. This very night, I feel very depressed and not like an honorable man. I automatically thought that me and my ex being together was the best for my children but it isn't. I dont know if I can survive depression that deep again. Please help me. Talk me up so I can stop crying......
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are in a very difficult situation. Having been in a not dis-similar situation myself I can clearly understand your feelings. When you love and marry somebody sometimes over time it ceases to work, and the end result is divorce. That court ruling does not change the fact you spent significant time together and does not in any way mean that you stop loving them even. I will say to this day 18 years after the fact i still have occasional thoughts about my ex- and ours was a nasty hostile divorce. When co-parenting it is even more difficult, as you have to see and deal with ex on a regular basis as well (also was my situation) which makes it difficult to move on. I do not have many answers for you except to say based on my own experience 3 yrs is not horribly strange to wonder and what if at all. Take consolation in the fact that what you had was real, and even if it did not go as originally planned you ended up with beautiful children, and a person that you still care for years later- these are both gifts. Just don't allow the natural fear of leaving the comfortable prevent you from achieving that happiness again,


    Take Care

    Ben
     
  3. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    i dont know muc about marriage and divorce, but i am always here to listen, talk and suggest. If you want or need an open ear feel free to pm me at any time!

    I dont think it is cheating and dishonerable to want to be with her again, you did not cheat on your current partner. A human mind has a way of wanting, and it does so without out permission, as long as you do not act on these wants you have done nothing wrong. Only if you do go back and decide to cheat on your current partner should it be dishonerable. You have a right and a need to be with someone, to have that relationship, that love. And that is okay. There is no shame in needing a woman, and no shame in moving on when things do not work out. As long as you keep yourself true to your partner, and take care of your kids, i dont belive there is any dishonor or shame that you need to worry of. Feeling so is a different matter, and you must try to work that out with yourself in your mind :hug: thats the hard part
     
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