You have a whole life....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by touglytobeloved, Mar 20, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I guess people have get use to say 'you have a whole life to do things you want to do'. And, its true. But life sometimes is to short. It can end suddenly, not by your will, by exident or somehow. And it can also end if you want to end it. But who can suspect that someone wants to end his own life? No one!
    And its always hardest when its about your family. Sometimes, when they ask me, why you dont want to work anymore, I say: because i dont need money, I have enough for my whole life. But they cant really understand what i am saying. And i cant explain them, I dont want to explain them.
    A friend once told me: I dont know a person that doesnt want money. I told him: I am that person, i dont need money, because I dont have someone with me, who can spend what im earning.
    Another friend asked me: Why you act sometimes like you dont care anymore, like you are 60 years old, not 25. I said, maybe I feel like Im 60, but I dont want to talk about it.
    When Im telling someone that Ill probably not go to the surgery, they cant understand why.
    Why is it so hard to tell someone that you dont want your life? That you want to die? Why? Probably no one knows the answer, but it would be so much easier if everyone knows that I will end my life soon, at least easier for me, if they know, and dont try to do anything to stop me.
  2. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I need the support of my family and friends. I need them to support me in my decision to die. But i know that I will never get that support. And I need it so much. Why they cant support me, when they can also see that there is no way out for me, there is no other exit, there is no solution to my problems, there is no hope, but only problems, pain, suffering. And why no one has ever asked me how I really feel. Why no one doesnt say to me, I KNOW YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY, WHY DONT YOU SAVE YOURSELF?

    BOLIAO Guest

    I had exactly the same thoughts as you a few months back. In fact, I told my family I wanted to die and seeked their blessing. They probably thought I was crazy for not wanting to live but they believed me that I was suicidal. I told some of my close friends that I wanted to die cos I saw no point in living and it shocked them.

    Now I've come to the point of wondering why do people even want to live. my mind is out of control.
  4. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    How did they react when you told them? Your family and friends?

    BOLIAO Guest

    when i told my old folks, they reacted badly as they believed that I was going to kill myself. My mum couldnt sleep for more than 3 hours a day and her blood pressure shot up to dangerous levels and my dad who is in his late 60s was extremely stressed from the look of his eyes. Now my mum has developed cancer and is telling me that even if she dies, it'll be worth it if I live. You see, the problem is I do not want to live, even till today. just like what you have been posting. I have lost all hope. but it happenned last year so dont end up likeme, still breathing but dead.
  6. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    I guess it's so hard to tell friends and family because in most cases they'll get disappointed. They want you in their lives, they like to have you around - distant or close. They want you to be happy and enjoy life just like they do and they definately don't want to take care of someones corpse and belongings.

    Maybe some time - in the future, probably several generations from now, when the attitude towards life has changed - it'll be ok to tell everyone if one wishes to die.

    I would never drag anyone else down in my own mud by telling them about my inner desires.
  7. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    From what you said here, I definitely shouldnt tell my family that I dont want to live. My mum has already problems with diabetes and high blood pressure. What will be when I told her that???
  8. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    If they want me to be happy, they should support me if I told them that the only way for me, to be happy is if I die. I know this sounds stupid and crazy, but I think this is the way it shoul be. But, I dont know, who am I to say whats right and whats wrong and how things should be.
  9. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    Actually, it makes perfect sense and I suppose how things are supposed to be is very much "to each their own". I haven't read any of your previous posts (my apologies for that), but might I inquire if there's a certain reason(s) you want to die?
  10. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    There is one thing for certain, if you die you won't be happy, your nervous system won't be working to control the muscles in your face and your brain wave output will be nothing. You won't be sad anymore though if that's what you mean.

    I'm still stuck in my dilemma, I still want to live in some ways, but I'm not really that bothered about it, I could exist but I am through living. I just want to hibernate as a hermit now, I don't want nothing from this life. I will have to see how I cope when I'm homeless & hungry, I might just depart before then when I start getting hounded and am feeling like a tramp. I've got a good method in mind which I think should do the trick quite comfortably. The trial on my life still continues, I'm judge, jury & executioner. I'm not mad, the world is.
    Unrequited love

    Maybe there will just be suicide booths in the future to make the job easier, this place is overpopulated & overated anyway, I for one have had enough of being a slave to society, it's just not worth the hassle.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2008
  11. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    I still respect you, whatever decision you make. I just hope that when/if you go through with it, that you find the peace you desire. I know that there is probably nothing I can say to help you, but you can chat with me on MSN pretty much anytime.
  12. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    I hope they come with a method dial. :laugh:
    Needless to say; you have a lot of valid points up there as well.
  13. BOLIAO

    BOLIAO Guest

    well, try seeing it from their perspective. They just won't understand why. In fact, I can clearly remember prior to myself losing hope, I didn't want to die. But after losing hope, my perspective on life changed. Nobody will understand why you want to die perhaps except for those of us in here who are depressed about life. My parents couldnt understand, my close friends couldn't understand. For their sake, you may need to seek professional help. If you don't tell your family that you are suicidal and if you really commit suicide, your parents will be tortured and have to live with the pain of suicide for the rest of their lives.
  14. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i have a few questions

    why do you believe there is no solution to how you feel? what have you tried so far? have you been diagnosed with depression or some other mental illness? just wondering...


    why do other people's opinions matter so much to you? i think it is very hard for people who haven't been suicidal to understand how we feel, on the other hand, something like 1 in 10 people have had depression, have felt suicidal, and have emerged through the other side... so keep trying until you find someone who understands and will get you help

  15. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member

    Here is the sad truth about the world: most people don’t feel the way we do. So they cant understand where you are coming from. Here in the US there’s appox. 36,000 suicides/yr. To give you a scope of how little that is here are some numbers:

    that’s only 120 suicides per 1,000,000 people
    so its very safe to say that about 10 times number seriously consider suicide
    which means only 1200 per 1,000,000 people understand how you feel

    I think although this board is pro-life, every time someone from here takes their life, we understand why. We understand the pain that person went through for them to make that decision. And although we wish they decided to live, we don’t think that person is wrong for taking their life. I know I’m not family and I hope you stay with us. But I will understand why, if you decided otherwise.
  16. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    As Mark told you, the main reason I want to die is unrequited love. But, Im also ugly, and I have health problems with my leg, and I have no luck at all, bad things are happening to me every day, and because of my look and health, I know I cant find some girl that can love me, and I dont want to spend my life alone without love.
  17. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Actually, yes. I meant i will not be sad anymore. And who knows, maybe, just maybe, there is something after that, and maybe I will be happy. Who knows?
    And you said: I'm not mad, the world is. My opinion about this: Whats the definition of madness? Who gave this definition? How can we know that we are not all mad? And maybe also the one who gave this definition was mad to? We can not judge that someone is mad or not, because we dont know what really is madness. We say there are mad people in mental institutions, but if we ask them, they will say that they are not mad, they live in their own life, and many of them are much happier than me, and a lot of people here on SF.
    But, its just my opinion, dont take me seriously, because maybe Im mad and I dont know what Im saying.
  18. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I know that peace is somewhere there, I just need courage to reach it.
  19. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Im seeing it from their perspective, and probably thats why Im still alive. I know that noone can understand me. And I also know that I will hurt them if I tell them that Im suicidal, but i will aslo hurt them if I kill myself without telling them. Both choices are bad for them. :(
  20. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I dont know if you have read my previous threads. if you have, youll know why. Just read my first thread, 'life sucks when you are ugly and she doesnt love you'. And add the fact, that besides im ugly and madly in love in a girl that can never love me, i also have health problems with my leg, and new problems every day.
    No, I have never been to a doctor, never been diagnosed, and I will never go there.
    I dont care about other people's opinions (if you meant here about their opinion about my suicide), i care about my family, and how will they live when Im gone.
    And i can find someone who can understand me only here on SF, or some similar web sites (PS. Do you know someone?)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.