Yeah as you can tell from the title this is gonna be a rant. I don't want this under my forum name. If anyone does know who this is don't say my name please. Yeah so i got hurt pretty badly when it came to the so called term 'love' yeah i got hurt VERY BADLY. Still hurts to this day, im not talking a little bit upset, i mean it physically hurts when i think about it. I start crying even thinking about it. I never thought i could feel pain like this but yet it happened again. Feeling like this is has put me off falling in love EVER again. Being hurt like that is even making me think about what people really want from me, one person in particular. I feel used, i was made to feel like shit and i still do. So now im even more paranoid about what people truely want from me. Even people use me on here, no one can deny that. Just there as someone to talk to when their feeling shit. Theres very few people on here that i actually trust and even then im paranoid about what they want from me. The one thing in my life thats making me happy at the moment is being fucked up by me feeling this away. I want to push him away so he doesn't get hurt by me being so depressed but i care about him too much. I care about him far more than i should of allowed myself, its just making all this more difficult to do this. I thought i was hurt by what happened before but shit i NEVER thought i could hurt like this. I am seriously surprised that i havn't done anything over it YET. The person would 'blame' themselfs if i did tho. Why should it matter tho? My feeling didn't mater did they, so why should i spare them the feeling of them feeling 'guilty' (if you can call it that) over the way i got hurt. I've never felt strongly about many people in my life. Well there was one person at college a few years back, i like him big time but nothing happened. Then i feel big time for the next person i had feelings for. I didn't want it to happen! i knew it was gonna end up in me getting hurt, but the person said no it wouldn't. How wrong could they be! everything they ever told me was a load of bullshit. I don't even think they even cared about me at all, if they truely cared about someone how could you let them believe something that wasn't true. Let them fall in love with you. Seriously do people like fucking with peoples heads like that!?!? I would never dream od doing something like that to anyone else. As per usual im the one people use, see as an easy target. I've had it in my life, all my life. So why not from people from this forum, so many times i've felt used and i'm not the type of person to say anything. I just shut up and keep it to myself until it drives me to breaking point. I can't go on feeling like this, i just can't. It's not gonna stop and my plan is to kill myself to stop that pain. It's just too unbareable. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! I swear to god, ima kill myself over this. You all can think im bull shitting all you like but i swear on my family's life im not. This is gona drive me to my grave and i've accepted it, all it is about now is when im gonna do it. When i build up the courage. Maybe thats why i keep comming back to this place, to get myself triggered, drive me to do it. This is gonna kill me, i know it and im fine with it. This was the thing to push me over the edge. Theres no comming back from it. It's all about how much time i have left amd i don't think its much. Couple of weeks maybe but that shouldn't matter to anyone here should it.