You know..it never ends

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Zodi, Jun 4, 2007.

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  1. Zodi

    Zodi Anitiquities Friend

    I am a bulimic.

    I grew up fat..not just fat, huge..a big fat blimp that no one wanted to be friends with. When I graduated high school, I was 350 pounds.

    I lost 200 of those pounds..with the help of bulimia. I am now 40 and still am bulimic. I barfed three times today..twice at work.

    I have tried to get help for this. Everyone I have talked to insists that I have been sexually abused. No..I just ate like a pig because I had no love or attention from my parents so I turned to food to fulfill what I was lacking in life.

    How does one get over this? I am not hungry but I look to food for comfort. I have no "comfort" anywhere. I am completely alone in everything.

    Frankly, I am surprised that I am not dead from this. I wish I were. There is not a god damned thing wrong with me. Even my teeth are intact. I have been bulimic for 22 years. Why aren't I dead? I really want to be.
     
  2. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    I was once bulimic for a couple of weeks. Whenever I ate I felt so fat, disgusting and guilty that I started puking after every meal. It just left me feeling even more disgusting tho. Quitting bulimia after 22 years seems like it would be tough to do. All I can suggest is that when you eat try to fill up on mostly fruits and vegetables so you won't put any weight back on.

    Food addiction can be just as bad as a drug addiction. I eat when I'm bored, stressed and whenever there's some type of void to fill. That's why I'm so big and fat. I also eat too much of the wrong things; processed junk foods and meats.
     
  3. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    I'm bulimic, think its 8 months now. I know its really hard to quit. But its also hard to continue this everyday, throwing up everyday. Like my psych said it means you got a lot of strength. Yeah I know that sounds weird. But I guess she's right. You should use this strength for something else, you can quit. You really can, but i dont think you can do this alone. I suggest to see a psych, therapist, whatever. Its not impossible, you can get over this. They will help you with the bulimia, but also with other stuff, so you can find comfort in something else. I hope you'll consider this. And I hope you will feel better soon, i'm glad your not dead and your teath are still intact. My teeth already are fucking up. Good luck with everything and hear if you need an ear or something
     
  4. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    Btw Zodi, I was once as big as you were.. 350 lbs. If I don't change something here soon I am going to slowly become a blimp again.
     
  5. Zodi

    Zodi Anitiquities Friend

    It is hard. I just don't eat much.

    I take two teaspoons full of apple cider vinegar in a flavored water three time a day. Believe me..after drinking that one does not want to eat.

    It is hard. My metabolism is completely shot.

    I don't know if I have any long term effects. Frankly, I don't care. I hope I die. I hope my heart is so fucked up that I don't wake up in the morning. I really hope that. Every night of my life.

    Currently, I exercise around 2 hours a day and consume 1500 calories or less. I am still a big, fat blob that no one wants.

    Food addiction is worse since one needs food to live. Right now, I don't want to live anymore.

    Big *hugs* Lost. I don't want to see anyone turn out like me.
     
  6. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    Zodi hun bulimea is one of the worst addictions there is. You gotta get your interests in sth you love, for example painting, reading or whatever you love. Im happy you havent destroyed your teeth yet, and there is a good chance of recovery. Why dont you look for some specialized day hospitals in your area? Do you think that you being big was the only reason you started to purge? Im sure there have been other stress factors in your life?? Please let us know how you are doing hun,
    Youre in my thoughts,
    Take care hun :hug:
    Beret xxx
     
  7. Zodi

    Zodi Anitiquities Friend

    You know what makes it so hard? You need food to live. Even though its hard when addicted, one doesn't need booze, smokes or drugs to live.

    I started my own little Atkins type diet. I cut my carbs down drastically but I am also watching the fat and calories.

    I guess what really gets me back into barfing is the plateaus I get on. I will diet and exercise for months and not loose an ounce. That is so discouraging so I pig out..all the time.
     
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