where if you don't tell someone how you're feeling.... you feel like you might explode? (or attempt suicide, whatever, same difference) ...but if you told someone, you know that they would probably stop you, and that knowledge keeps you telling them? Not because you want to die... but because wanting to tell someone means you can't *really* be feeling the way you think you're feeling. Wanting to tell someone means you're not really suicidal. Yeah, I know. It's pretty f^ck3d up. But I feel that way all the time. I don't know, maybe I just want attention. I've been hospitalized twice. I've been on and off medication, but never on it for very long. That has helped. I've gotten no benefits from therapy, or maybe haven't given it a fair chance. I've recently moved out of my parents house to a city where the nearest Kaiser (that's my insurance) is an hour's drive away. I don't know what to do. I feel like committing suicide but I know I won't... unless I will. The debate is driving me mad.