You know when your on a major downer? Like your at rock bottom, and some people are lucky enough to have that 'somebody', or just someone there, that you can talk to and turn to... I had that person, for nearly four years. She's heard the abuse, the self-harm, witnessed the harming, saved me from taking my life more than once. But now, its all too much, I've become a burden, she has turned so cold, like ice. She's switched off towards me, but this time my downer is big, cause I've been bottling things up so as not to burden her with myself (for quite a long time - 6 months +) although she has helped when I have had my seizures. But my emotional being, she hasn't had much to do with, we've grown so far apart. She wants different things, I'm not who she wants. Who can blame her, who would want me... I'm miserable, I've put weight on, I don't like people, I like my safety net. She's going to leave me, infact I think she's already talking to someone.. Like that, my paranoia is really bad, my suicidal thoughts are getting worse day by day. I just want to float away in the sea & never be found, let nature take me. Of course why should she have to carry my problems? I have always been there, and if I were to stay I would continue doing so, but she deserves better. Somebody beautiful, intelligent, someone with dreams & ambition. Not a sad-sack like me. So to make her happy in the long run, I'm going to take my life. Not FOR her, but she literally IS my reason for being, so I'm going to eventually do it so that I can take this invisable blade of pain and mess out of my chest and let everybody around me live in the long run happily, without my ungreatful attitude. I am so done. I guess in a way my life was completed when she walked into anyway, so maybe I had my purpose fulfilled when she took my heart. Remains.