You know you can't win lol

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Terry, Mar 7, 2012.

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  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.




    Here is a guide to the point system:


    SIMPLE DUTIES
    You make the bed (+1)
    You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
    You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
    But return with Beer (-5)
    You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
    You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
    You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
    It's her cat (-20)


    SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
    You stay by her side the entire party (0)
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)
    Named Tina (-10)
    Tina is a dancer (-20)
    Tina has silicone implants (-80)


    HER BIRTHDAY
    You take her out to dinner (+2)
    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
    Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
    And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
    It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team(-10)


    A NIGHT OUT
    You take her to a movie (+1)
    You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
    You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
    You take her to a movie you like (-2)
    It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)


    YOUR PHYSIQUE
    You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
    You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

    THE BIG QUESTION
    She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
    You hesitate in responding (-10)
    You reply, "Where?" (-35)
    Any other response (-20)

    COMMUNICATION
    When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
    You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
    You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
    She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)
     
  2. Snake

    Snake Well-Known Member

    Your girlfriend is Morrigan (-500 no matter what you do).

    Fun post by the way!
     
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    OMG, Terry! You told them the rules??? :laugh:
     
  4. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    Good to know... :smile:
     
  5. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    :rofl: !!!

    I'm so glad I don't have to worry about that with my ex-wives. One never talked hardly at all... and the other was a good communicator.
     
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    haha so many rules to follow
     
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Get used to it guys, we change them on a daily basis :lol!:
     
  8. That's many rules to follow.. Omg! Lol
     
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