You know.

I've finally just realized. The 'problems', if you'd like to call them that, I have are so miniscule. I've been sitting here with a wide look on my face contemplating how well I have it, and how bad I seem to think it is. I've been told before, that it's all in my head. That everything I think is so bad, is quite good compared to others in my family. I've been told that the only reason I slit my pressure points and OD'd so many times before, is because I'm just a fuck-up, and am too picky.

All I've ever wanted is a life that is half-decent, but all that seems to mean is "up to my standards." I do see that I should take what I can get, and not complain, take the good with the bad... But, it's just so hard, my head feels like it weighs more than the rest of my body, it's making me sink.

I've always wondered what it would be like just to say goodbye and leave all of this. People have told me before, they'd be happier if I did; That if I killed myself, it would save my family so much money, and save my friends a big burden on their shoulders. Personally, I'm really starting to believe it...

I want to leave, any way possible. I've been told people wouldn't care, that it would save a hassle, that everyone would be happier... I can't take it, the pills, they haven't been working. The counselling, has made it worse. The attention, has destroyed everything I treasured in my life.

I left when everyone around me was in the worst part of their life. I just hid away. I left them all when they needed help, and that's the reason I take it all.

I wish I had this gun's bullets, I wouldn't be here typing this. I promise, if there was an easy or quick way to do it. It'd already be done... That's why I can't do it now, because I'm afraid of the fact that if I OD'd again and it worked; I might feel the regret, and then not a have a choice...

I'd really just like to say goodbye, and leave like that. I'm sorry I've taken up your time, please do have a great night.

 

you havent tooken up any of my time.. and i would be one that would miss you... cause i love you :hug: