You might be able to help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dixie27, Sep 13, 2008.

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  1. dixie27

    dixie27 Member

    Want to tell my story briefly here, just so you know how it is with me. I got sick several years ago and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. This diagnosis is controversial because lots of doctors don’t know anything about it and it’s so complex they’d rather just say it doesn’t exist.

    In addition, I’ve suffered from crippling migraines since I was 12 years old as well as major depression for the past 10 years.

    My mother died in my home, under my care, from lymphoma. My father died not too long after that from Parkinson’s. Then my precious little brother died from a splinter in his hand that gave him blood poisoning.

    My own illness got so bad I could no longer work; I was denied social security disability and spent all my savings trying to survive while I appealed the decision. I finally got awarded disability, which is not enough to live on.

    My son is chronically ill with pancreatitis and cannot work either. He is in constant pain and the doctors keep telling me he needs pain management, but every doc he goes to says he can’t help him. So I deal with my own pain and misery, but the worst thing is listening to him vomiting in the night about three or four times a week.

    My poor husband works to keep us together, but if I were dead that would be one less sick person and $100,000 from life insurance. He would be so much better off without me.

    The future can only get worse, as we sink farther into debt, my son’s illness gets worse, and my husband tries not to crack under the strain. I need to go. I need to be one less burden. I’ve lost all my friends…no one wants friends who are too sick to do anything. I despise myself and want nothing more than to die. <mod edit>
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2008
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello Dixie,

    You have been through so many bad times, when things are bad they can only get better, please hold onto that hope.You are very strong, try and keep that strength. I am so sorry for your losses :hug: I am sure your husband would feel much worse if you were dead hun. Please don't give up. I'm here if you need to talk :hug:

    P.S thanks for the info you gave me earlier :)
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Have you gone down and applied with Social Services? With you not bringing in a paycheck you should be able to apply for Medicaid and food stamps. Don't be to proud to go and apply. I have been on it while waiting for my SSI to come thru.
    Once my SSI came thru they sent me a lump sum of back payments to day one when I applied. I don't remember how much I got from back payments. It was like $2500 or a little more. You really need the medicaid to help with your and your sons medical problems.
    Give it a go and I hope they help you!!Stay Safe!!:chopper:!!
  4. daniel2

    daniel2 Banned Member

    I can't hope to understand your difficulties Dixie. But don't underestimate your value to your husband and son. Money can never replace that. Can you enter the workforce in a limited way? That way you could take some of the financial burden from your husband's shoulders. I was looking at this website and it seemed to have some useful ideas on how that could happen:

  5. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    I am sorrowful for the deaths in your family and the grief they have caused you. You are still here though and you are making a difference in your husband and son's life. You have a husband who's trying to make ends meet, and that's something to be proud of. What if you didn't have him? And you have to be positive about your son's illness. Have there been times when his health has improved? Medical science is so advanced that there must be someone who can help him. If the cost of a qualified doctor is too great, maybe you can find a way to defer payments. You're not worth $100,000 in life insurance- that's absolutely ridiculous. You must be worth so much to your family. Your financial situation could get worse, but it could get better too. If you are too sick to work, I wouldn't suggest trying to get a job out of desperation. But if you try to do what you can do safely and enjoy, you will be in better shape. Your struggles are not a reason to give up. There are things to enjoy in life, and I hope you find them. When you turn this around, think about how much better you'll feel.
  6. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I will not repeat what has been said dixie, but add that what counts and comes first is family together and you've got it. stick at each other's side helping each other with the tools you've got.

    as for your son pain management, go to the hospital and seek advice from the department that puts you out when you go for surgery. they are the ones handling pain management. the name is anesthesist ufffffffffffffff what a poor memory i've got. get an apointment and talk to the head anesthesist about your son's case. i'm sure something can be done. keep us informed about the development. best of luck.

    granny xox
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