Well I don't know, what I do know now is that I have alienated everyone I know . I don't like to ask for help and refuse to others need help much more than me, I am surbordinate to them. I know only one thing, my life is mine they cannot take me alive, I will not allow it I am going to prepare a way out an end. I was going ask someone if they will help me to die I am suffering too much now. I should have named this diffrently but I did not know what to put, I'm truly sorry.