you need help from people around you

[KKaye]

the first time i made an attempt i got home from the hospital and i was yelled at. i was told that it was embarrassing and that I would never be trusted again.

I moved to my own world of isolation and began alienating myself from things. I am only now beginning to participate in the world but i am getting flack from someone for that as well (I should be more mature, I should act my age). I would try to explain why I am the way I am, but it's not an excuse and I dont' think he wants to hear it anyway.

I have never talked to any family or friends about what happened back then nor about my feelings now. I know that people say you won't be rejected for it, but i feel already like i have been before I've even said a word.

how can i reach out without all this fear? how can i say that i think the things that have happened to me in my life are having a strong negative impact on me now- without sounding like i'm making excuses? repair will take such a long time.

K

 

[lilboyblue]

i'm sorry you're having a hard time. talking about feelings can be very difficult, especially if they're painful. if you cant bring yourself to talk to family or friends, maybe you could try therapy? at the very least you can keep posting here for support.

 

[Tara]

what lilboyblue said!

stay safe :hug:

 

[hopeless]

i had a similar experience. when i was 15 i first cut my wrist and my pdoc put me in a hospital. i was there for a week and my family blamed me. it was my fault that i messed up their perfect little family. it was my fault i was molested. it was my fault i couldn't just hide it away like the rest of the family.

well, as you know this doesn't help a bit for anyone let alone a teenager. i went along for years pasting a smile on my face and pretending. i would pretend during the day and cry all night long. i didn't have anyone i could trust or even share this with. i saw how another girl who had bipolar was treated at my school. they all called her crazy, even my own family. i was not about to be labeled as such. so i continued to cut my wrists and cry in secret.

i wish i could tell you that you won't be treated with "kid gloves" if you tell someone, but it just won't happen. people don't understand what we do or how it effects us even more than it effects everyone else, and they don't even want to understand this.

i am now almost 27 and i still have a hard time getting support. i am married, and that is where i get most of my support from. it took me years before i could trust anyone with my secret, and it is very hard to find someone who will not treat you like you're going to break when you give them a glipse at your true life and how you feel.

most of the people that i do feel comfortable talking with are my therapists. yes therapists, i talk to my old therapists and my new therapists. i have had more therapists than i can count and i have found 3 in all my years that i trust. 2 of these therapists insist that i keep in contact with them and call them when i need them. so i took them up on their offers.

i am very lucky to have a therapist available 24/7 if i need her. it doesn't matter if i'm in a different region of the country, i can call her and she will listen. if you can find someone like that, it will be most helpful.

i still don't tell my friends that i've tried to kill myself, or cut my wrists because i hurt, or even about my problems. i've found that for me it is better left in the therapists "office".

i hope this has helped some. take good care.

 

[gentlelady]

You are not just making excuses for the way you feel. I am sorry your family and others are not more understanding about your attempt. There is such a stigma placed on mental illness that we are afraid to tell anyone how we feel or about what is going on. If it were an accepted disease, people would show interest and compassion in your healing process. Sad to say, this generally is not the case with depression or other Mental illnesses. You do need to have someone you can confide in that will not judge you for what you have to say. This really can be beneficial. You are not making excuses when you state that waht has happened in the past has had a negative impact on you. You are stating truth. Be kind to yourself and don't put yourself down for things you had no control over. Stay safe and take care. :hug:

 

[Feltthepeace]

the first time i made an attempt i got home from the hospital and i was yelled at. i was told that it was embarrassing and that I would never be trusted again.

I moved to my own world of isolation and began alienating myself from things. I am only now beginning to participate in the world but i am getting flack from someone for that as well (I should be more mature, I should act my age). I would try to explain why I am the way I am, but it's not an excuse and I dont' think he wants to hear it anyway.

I have never talked to any family or friends about what happened back then nor about my feelings now. I know that people say you won't be rejected for it, but i feel already like i have been before I've even said a word.

how can i reach out without all this fear? how can i say that i think the things that have happened to me in my life are having a strong negative impact on me now- without sounding like i'm making excuses? repair will take such a long time.

K

Hey Kay,
It's a tough spot to be in and I know it all too well. It's impossible to heal in isolation and shame while at the same time you have to be careful who you tell because rejection or worse ridicule could make things worse. A therapist is safe as well as friends who have been there and wouldnt label you. It sucks to get labled unstable or suicidal when there is so much more to a person. Just letting ya know your not alone in this.