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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Zola, Sep 22, 2009.

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  1. Zola

    Zola Antiquities Friend

    Hey,

    I've only been thinking about suicide for the past year. It sounds like many of you have thought about it much longer. I don't understand something, because it doesn't correspond with my experience. I so very much want to die (or be dead), but I can't talk about it. I don't see how you can. It's so personal, so inside, that even on this forum I just can't perceive how you can be serious about suicide and talking about it at the same time. I don't really write here about suicide. I just like the comeraderie. I like being with you. I like you. But all the suicide stuff is totally repressed inside me. It hasn't gone away. It's still there. But the second I slip up, it will be there, I'll buy a gun and that will be that.

    Why can't I talk about it? I don't know. I have the same difficulty with my therapist. But he threatened me when I mentioned suicide; to the point that I simply decided not to talk about it with him. I'm back at a moment where if there was a gun on the table, I'd use it. And putting a gun on the table, here in Florida, is the easiest thing in the world. And so, world's most worthless man meets technology's most worthless artefact. I aways think that's how it will end. Some day it'll happen like that. Right now, it feels like right now, but it won't, but someday it will.

    Zola
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2009
  2. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    I feel the same, if a robber with a weapon came to my house I wouldnt care if he killed me.

    Still, I wouldnt kill myself with effort, only if I had the easiest chance tough I think about hanging and train impact or building jump deaths alot, still I suggest we all pull trough life... you, me, together I am the same I like this forum because theres people in my position, I find strength in that and I learn from others... Just gotta live.
     
  3. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    i think the reason is, alot of ppl here like myself have tried it.

    it comes with acceptance to the way we think about it.
     
  4. Zola

    Zola Antiquities Friend

    You could be right, Odiecom, you could well be right. Having not tried it before, I couldn't say.

    Take care,

    Zola
     
  5. Zola

    Zola Antiquities Friend

    Hi, TWF,
    Let's hope that you're right! That we can all pull together and avoid the Niagra Falls of suicide. I doubt if anyone really WANTS to do it, as opposed to feeling they HAVE to do it.

    Take care,

    Zola
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2009
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It's funny but I cant really talk about my suicidal urges outside of here. Guess just being with others that really understand the struggle of holding on against every fiber of yourself makes it easier. Here I know someone listens and that in itself means so much to me. You're right, I want the pain to end. I've been looking for a better solution for so long but it still evades me. And I'm truly at the point where I'll take what I've got. Even absolute nothing has to be better than this.
     
  7. Zola

    Zola Antiquities Friend

    'Even absolute nothing has to be better than this'

    Thanks, Itmahanh,

    You say it so well. Have you tried it? Without any desire to put down either side, it sounds as if those who try it several times are in a different category from those who just make the decision and do it. What those different categories might be is, so far, beyond me.

    Take care,

    Zola
     
  8. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    All I know about this, is when I tried it, and yes there were several attempts, each one of those times were horrible.

    People often talk about peace they feel when that times comes. For me, it was the exact opposite.

    There was such mental anguish and torture of my soul during those times, that I wouldnt want to wish that on my worst enemy.

    And this is the only place I can feel comfortable about talking with it.

    Heck I cant even talk about it with my wife!

    I think maybe that is why I have become so passionate about living. Because my experiences lead me to believe that those moments when we act are far worse than the troubles that led us up to that point. And I dont EVER want to see anyone go thru that.
     
  9. shefallsasleep

    shefallsasleep Well-Known Member

    I've hardly been on here at all but I've found being able to talk to people who don't think depression is just something you bring on yourself and who don't think your crazy has made me feel a bit better, even if its for the short term.
     
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