You Ungrateful Bastards

[Screw you]

I've tried so hard to help so many of you. Half of you don't even want help. Half of you just keep your heads shoved up your own arse!!

I thought I'd made some really good friends and with a few of you I thought I'd made some progress.

I'm trying what is perceived as a very dangerous treatment in the hopes that it will encourage a few of you to try and seek similar help, if it works.

I've always tried to offer practical advice not just a shoulder to cry on.

I've stayed awake all night with some of you, I've been there for you to yell at while you've been detoxing, I've been there to comfort you when you've been hurt.

I've pushed the envelope and tried to educate people, both here and the general public, tried to get people to understand this illness, and tried to teach my so called friends about treatments, meds etc.

I've even donated money to help keep this place going

I've been victimised by a couple of people who lack a sense of humour, and fall short of the mark in general intelligence

Yes i'm not afraid to be honest!!!

Favouritism is shown all over this board, with some members getting away with murder while others picked on for no reason. The mods, follow no general practise, some amend, some delete, some move, they do it by personal preference, some delete a thread just because it isn't to their taste.

The interpretation of the rules varies widely, with some members describing in intimate detail about the way they self harm, while I myself not being allowed to say the word water - because water is a method.


well frankly i think you can all go shove it, i'm sorry that I upset your girl friend, but well i guess maybe you should find out how the rest of the forum feels about her.


I guess this is my last post, if you IP ban me then my sister won't be able to access the site either.

As i'm stuck under moderation, I can't even find out people's MSN or yahoo details etc. But it's been made fairly clear to me over these past few days that very few of you like me anyway. so I guess it doesn't really matter.

Hopefully I will get my plan into action, and I will be making the money I want to, and then maybe I will be able to help people, tho right now I don't really feel like helping people at all.

In fact it should be fairly obvious how I feel right now, It could be assumed that robin actually wants me to kill myself, I can't see any other logical reason for attacking me so viciously only 2 days after I just made my most serious attempt to date. After I went to bed last night crying, still wanting to die and not having a single person I could talk to about them.



<Mod Edit: Abacus21 - insulting>



I can't believe I ever judged a man so wrongly in my life, of course you can't tell and idiot that they are an idiot, they just don't understand.

Robin you know my address, consider this a personal invite, come down and visit me, any time you like. and we'll have the reasonable and polite discussuion I asked for, in the exact manner you chose. or if you don't feel up to travelling feel free to give me your address, and I'll pop down sometime.


Oh I just realised I left my Knife at the hospital but I can pop in tomorrow and get it.


Oh yeah and always so grown up of you to close the thread so I can't reply!

Bet you'll delete this too, can't let the worshippers see their god with his pants round his ankles.

 

[Saoirse]

LMA ... you come out with a load of bullshitty accusations but haven't shown any hint of proof to back up your accusations and untill you do so not many will listen to you.

 

[efrewfre]

I'm not interested in proving it to you.

I doubt i could.

If you don't want to believe me then I don't care.

You could go as the liars but guess what they will do?

 

[Saoirse]

Not me specifically but you must be wanting to prove it to someone or a group of people here and either way you still need some shred of proof to back up your claims.

 

[sadsong]

LMA,

From what you say you have some ideas about how to develop the site and make it better, and i'm always open to hear those. However, launching attacks on particular individuals on the main forum is not the way to go. it's just going to get peoples backs up and make you unpopular.

I think you have done a lot of good on this site, and have a good heart wanting to help people. I hope that this situation can be resolved so that you can continue to do good here.

I know that you want to discuss some of your ideas with someone. Please feel free to email me, and i will be happy to discuss some of these ideas. Also you mention that favouritism has been used and that some staff have been innappropriate, would you be able to provide specific examples of these to me in email? I would prefer if you didn't bring them up on the public forums as i expect they will only be deleted.

Whatever you think, many people here still care for you
take care
Lizzy.

 

[Unregisteredhghgh]

Favouritism is shown all over this board, with some members getting away with murder while others picked on for no reason. The mods, follow no general practise, some amend, some delete, some move, they do it by personal preference, some delete a thread just because it isn't to their taste.

The interpretation of the rules varies widely, with some members describing in intimate detail about the way they self harm, while I myself not being allowed to say the word water - because water is a method.

I agree. And I agree with a lot that you say, but insulting people probably isn't the way to get listened to...I don't know when robin "attacked you so viciously" but I really doubt he wants you to kill yourself, and implying that is pretty unfair, the guilt it would cause...Maybe, take a step back...this is all just written words, words can be taken out of context and the misinterpreted...

 

[Robin]

I didn't viciously attack you, I defended my friends who you was attacking, seems you can't take criticism like you're able to deliver it, why I wonder do you impose rules on others that you have no intention of following yourself?

As for water being a method, I've been told it was boiling water and I won't say what it was you'd do with it.

 

[Just A Girl]

Matthew;


I am sorry you are in pain. But I've seen some points here made by others, you so harshly judge and criticize others and etc, but yet you don't follow half the stuff you think others should. Telling Bunny to kill herself or you would is NO way to joke with someone, especially someone that puts so much into the forum. And honestly I haven't really seen anything from any of the staff that was mean and mallicious. The rules are for people to follow for member to be safe, and less triggered. Many here are so depressed and in need of friends, support etc, alot of us are vulnerable, and things you say like that could easily offend, hurt or missguide people/members etc. Also, it's ok to have go's at the staff and disrespect them, but they have to be perfect and sit back and do as you say? it's not right.



People here care, but you just can't behave like that with people already so down...




Just things that needed to be said.






xx

 

[LMA]

Yeah it wasn't a joke, I was incredibly hurt at the time by bunny and was very upset with her, I certainly don't remember ever saying that I would kill her, but yes clearly tell her to take an overdose, was incredibly cruel and stupid of me. I wrote a post this morning apologising for doing so but it was deleted by robin and he instructed the staff not to read it.

I know I don't always practice what I preach, and I will happily admit that I can be a hypocrite. But I have really been trying to help people in a practical way, something that few other people actually seem to do. I'm sorry if I trig people occasionally, but you can't spend your life living in bubble wrap, and certainly not if you're a member of staff.

I've spoken to a couple of people about ideas i've had for the site, such as setting up a separate area for more triggering subjects / posts, that people can avoid or enter at their own will.

I guess truthfully tho, that just not many people will be sad to see me go.

Jenny and Ari, i'd love it if you wanted to speak to me on Instant messenger. but maybe you both really hate me now, I don't know.

oh well I'm getting kinda tired now and my headache is back.

 

[Robin]

If I didn't want the staff to read your threads I have the option of hard deleting them, as do any admin or supermods. That simply hasn't happened. I'm sorry I haven't been as available as I normally am but I have a visitor, will be back on msn like I normally am tomorrow night.

 

[ProzacDeathWish]

This may sound really weird to you guys, but it actually makes me feel better to know that even the moderators / administrators sometimes lose it when dealing with each other.

No, I'm not glad that you guys are probably experiencing stress and may even be totally angry. It just makes you seem more like one of us. It makes it easier to accept the occasional admonishment if we know that the person doing the admonishing knows what it's like to have a melt-down.

You already have authority but by allowing us to see your "dark side", it also gives you credability.

I hope peace returns quickly among you..for your own sakes. Thanks.

 

[Ignored]

It's funny how people regard staff... maybe the same as we used to think of teachers when we were in school.. as not quite human. But we are, honestly! :smile: If you insult us, attack us etc then we get upset and angry... the only problem is, like you, we're here for a reason... namely, we're depressed and suicidal. There's no difference between you and us... any one of you could be asked to become a member of staff in the future... will that fundamentally change who you are or make you magically better?? Of course not... well, neither are we. So yeah Prozac, we have the occasional melt down, and yeah LMA we have to make decisions on whether to moderate which (though based on the rules) are a judgement call. There's not a rule book in the world which could incorporate every eventuality.... and it's interesting that you should want one given the fact that you claim not to like following rules!
Anyway, my :twocents:

 

[sadsong]

I agree with Sarah, just because we're staff it doesn't mean that we don't feel.

We all came here when we were at the end of our tether, looking for a way out and stumbled across here. Many of us are still there, wanting a way out, hurting deeply. Actually by becoming staff it has almost taken away our right to complain, to hurt and to be angry, whereas we're in the same situation as most of you. We're no different. We hurt, we get angry, we cry. We weren't drafted in by Robin from outside this site, it's through this site that we know each other.

We know what it feels like to melt down, to attempt suicide. We're not "better". we're not super human, we're just normal.

LMA, i know i've spoken to you last night about your ideas you had, and as i said i will bring them up with the other staff.

 

[LMA]

OK firstly you must realise that i've been going through one hell of a rough time lately, it doesn't excuse me, but it's as valid for me as anyone else.

Also i try to be honest wherever possible, and often voice unfinished thoughts, I like to get stuff out there and bounce it off people, it doesn't mean that I am 100% behind everything that I say.

That disclaimer aside...


Yes I understand a lot the positions of the staff here and what they go through, and my argument is not that they do wrong, but that perhaps they shouldn't be staff.

However at the moment I don't have a better or more feasible solution, still i would choose to put forward an idealistic view point.

Perhaps... just a thought, staff could take shifts... maybe every member have 1 month off in 4 something like that, or do it in weeks i dunno. But even if you felt you didn't need it, it would just give you some time not having that extra responsibility.

And I am sorry I attacked many of you.

I guess what gets to me is how you stick together

1 will make a decision, based either impulsively or on personal preference, and then rather than hurt the feelings or undermine that mod, the rest of you will just back it up like a solid wall. Leave no room for compromise or debate.

It would be nice if we could get a second opinion, or perhaps rather than having a whole post deleted, could be told where the problem lies, and maybe we could negotiate an edit which keeps the original spirit but cleans it up to your taste.

This is the kind of forward thinking that I want to try and encourage.


I have many many more ideas, too many to talk about now, but there is a lot that could be done and people might like.

I dunno tho, so far I have about 6 people wanting me here, 6 wanting rid of me, and 4000 who haven't voiced an opinion.

 

[thedeafmusician]

Yes I understand a lot the positions of the staff here and what they go through, and my argument is not that they do wrong, but that perhaps they shouldn't be staff.

So does that mean that only 'perfect' people can be staff? If thats the case then well... the forum would not have any staff at all.

 

[LMA]

Why would you choose to quote that, and not the explanatory line underneath it?

 

[Unregistered56757]

Maybe if the rules were more clear, it would be easier for the mods to all mod to the same standards ie. not just making their own minds up. Eg. In the rules, it states quite clearly that suicide methods are not allowed, and this seems to be moderated well. However, it does vaguely mention not encouraging self harm but does not state that method sharing/graphic descriptions of self injury are not allowed and these seem to be rarely moderated. Maybe the admins don't see a problem with this, fair enough, its your board but just as a personal opinion, I find it irresponsible as it could easily trigger other members. There are lots of other examples like this. I do appreciate that it is a very large board though, so moderating must be difficult, and the mods do do a good job, it just might be easier for members to accept not being able to question a mods judgment if they felt they were following a more clear cut set of rules...

 

[Spikey]

OK firstly you must realise that i've been going through one hell of a rough time lately, it doesn't excuse me, but it's as valid for me as anyone else.

I'm going to point one thing out here Matthew. Nobody else when going through a tough time tells the people who help us to kill themselves, and is spiteful to everyone else here. You're just getting everyones backs up and of course after this your not going to be the most popular person here.
Make that the least popular. Normally I'd say that I'm here for you, but in this case I'm making an exception and I'm not here for you. Every person here is going through a tough time, the moderators have problems too - why else do you think that they joined SF? They aren't just good friends of Robins, they're good friends of ours too and if I hear you insult one more I'm going to (**** **** ******* **** *** ********** ********)

 

[theleastofthese]

Ok I'm going to jump in with both feet here - hope I don't drown...

I think that those of us with serious and debilitating emotional issues sometmes react harshly and without thinking - it's the nature of the beast. However, I think that sometimes we are unconsiously trying to push people away, to make them dislike us and retreat from us. This validates our feelings of being unloved and unwanted. We conveniently skip over our little melt-downs and blow-ups and just rationalize to ourselves, "see, they really DON'T like me or care about me." I know I've done this in my life but I never realize it at the time, it's only later that I can "see the forest for the trees". I also think that a lot of us, myself especially, attack the ones we love, the ones closest to us, perhaps just because they are there, or maybe just because we believe that they love us enough to forgive us, whereas strangers might not be so kind and understanding. For me it works best if (when) I realize I've behaved like an ass, I apologize sincerely and forgive myself - which is often difficult as I'm harder on myself than anyone else could be.

William Blake said it very well: "And throughout all eternity, I forgive you, you forgive me."

Just my opinion...

least

 

[Terry]

To be honest I'm sick of hearing LMA's thoughts on anything. If it's not one thing he has a gripe about it's another. He has insulted, upset and bullied, staff, members, people in chat, people on msn, pushed the idea of drug use and generally held sway all week.
How about thinking about someone elses feeling for 5 minutes. I have had nothing but complaints from members about you here and on msn, but if I act on these complaints you'll be posting that being staff has given me megalomania.

I don't want a fight but you need to stop thinking that your opinion is the only one that matters. If we receive complaints about chat, posts etc we have to act on them otherwise other members will stay away when they may need help.