no, I'm not okay. No, I'm not fine. No, I don't know if I'll be okay. No, I don't know if I'll do anything. No, I'm not sure I have the courage or that I want to. Yes, maybe, no. While away, yes, thoughts of what happened when younger were ever-present. Yes, I feel disgusting, thank you. Yes, I felt lost, had nightmares most nights. Yes, I feel shitty about not missing that person more, but not for not missing the alcoholism. Do I want to talk about it? No. Yes, I am angry. Yes, I'd like to take something to float away. I think. Even temporarily I'd be happier. Or would I? Will I ever be? Yes, I am sad. Very sad. I have lost those closest to me that I trusted. IS that enough? You want me to s p e l l out everything??? You know there is more, does reigniting it all really help?? Yes, I suck. Thank you.