you want the truth?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MoAnamCara, Sep 5, 2012.

  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    no, I'm not okay. No, I'm not fine. No, I don't know if I'll be okay. No, I don't know if I'll do anything. No, I'm not sure I have the courage or that I want to. Yes, maybe, no.

    While away, yes, thoughts of what happened when younger were ever-present. Yes, I feel disgusting, thank you.

    Yes, I felt lost, had nightmares most nights.

    Yes, I feel shitty about not missing that person more, but not for not missing the alcoholism. Do I want to talk about it? No.

    Yes, I am angry.

    Yes, I'd like to take something to float away. I think. Even temporarily I'd be happier. Or would I? Will I ever be?

    Yes, I am sad. Very sad. I have lost those closest to me that I trusted.

    IS that enough? You want me to s p e l l out everything??? You know there is more, does reigniting it all really help??

    Yes, I suck. Thank you.
  2. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    no you dont suck you are wonderful hugs squishes xx
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks ms. Rubber. There's no need to try and pacify me.

    I think stupid is a better word. Not intellectually, just generally. Although perhaps intellectually too.

    Saying the wrong things or most definitely not the right things, fucking things up left and right of me.

    O joyful day, not.