You are a women - and women are the weaker sex in physical terms. Though we have this notion of equality - the fact remains men are generally stronger than women.
You say it was your fault somehow - because of you being you?
Men being the stronger sex have a moral obligation to refrain from using any of this physical power in a violent manner towards woman. More so we also have an obligation to never use our physical power to abuse a women or child or anyone who is not a risk to you and your liberty.
It is no woman's fault EVER when they are raped. If a women says 'no' the average man knows all too well the feeling when we have heard those words. You might be in the throws of passion - but I don't really care - no means no, and men who disregard that are the scum of the earth - a curse to all nations which harbour such beasts.
You were no more to blame than the victim of a murder might be to blame. The world is a place in which men and women have choices. The rapists or abusers of this world - some are forged by abuse - but many I would tender are forged by their own weakness. It is a weakness for a man not to be able to control his sexual urges. Also, many are twisted by a myriad of thing I should not wonder - porn is a big player - I doubt there are any rapists who have not perhaps been twisted by the offerings online.
I'm not saying people who watch porn are potential rapists - but porn is about sex only - it is far removed from the act of love, in privacy between consenting adults. What should be something beautiful and perhaps sacred - was turned into an evil defiling act. Rape is the worse crime a man can commit. The sentences dished out are usually laughable - and one might only hope that the current generation make sure that the law sits up and takes notice.
I know a few women who were raped. I was fairly close them at one time - and so I was the shoulder for comfort - someone who listened and on one occasion, even ventured so far to confront the rapist - who fled the country and later died of a heart attack abroad, pretty much broke - buried in a land were nobody will grieve him.
And in my beliefs - dying is were the sh** would truly hit the fan as a pi**ed off God, in a angry and wrathful mood, does what we hope God will do to evil people whose repentance is a lie.
One girl I knew way back - never went to the cops. In the 1980s - in the UK, the average cop would making jokes about rape. Male officers sent to examine you - and interrogate you. Women often never went forwards.
I know from friends in the jail that rapists are always made unwelcome. People actually vie for the chance to injure them - and from the word go - the rapists are verbally abused at every step although they are on a different wing than normal baddies who have respect for women.
Why should sex offenders be living in an area without the people in that area knowing?
Even if they cry about being 'reformed' - you are not reformed are you? They hurt you and your still dealing with it. Worse, you even think that you are to blame!
Fu** that!
There's blame there - but that blame lies squarely on the shoulders of men who went against their own moral judgement - who condemned themselves the moment they laid a hand on you without consent.
You are not to blame!
They hurt you - but don't let your soul carry their wretched weight of guilt upon you.
I just hope and pray that you will one day be able to KNOW in your heart that the world is brutal place sometimes. Good people have bad things happen to them - sometimes the things that happen are so horrible that it shapes how you see the world. Sometimes it shapes how you see yourself - and with sexual abuse it is common for victims to apportion blame to themselves because the mind has been traumatised to the point whereby logic is not easily seen.
I have studied the sex slave trade - historically and present day. In the UK we often discover brothels occupied by anyone from Africa to China, to East Europeans. A lot of these girls are tricked into coming to the UK - they think they have work as a maid or some such legit job waiting for them. Bear in mind many of these girls will be young - not able to speak English and perhaps very naive about the world.
They are, reports say - raped upon arrival - to 'break them in' as you would a horse. They are sent to brothels, often houses, or various massage parlours. In the average shift - I think the girls are expected to 'entertain' about 8 men. Men of my age - mid forties, and older, flock to these places despite the fact the girls may well be enslaved.
Point being - I hope you survive this because it gives hope to other women who have been and are being abused. When you are feeling better in yourself, I find you quite an educated and pretty resourceful women. I just hope that things connect in life in these coming months and hopefully you can wrestle the notion of you being to blame out of your life forever.
A lot of kids being bullied also think THEY are to blame.
Please ask yourself MoAnamCara - does the bullied kid blame him or herself because they look different perhaps? Wear a brace? Glasses? Walk with a limp?
Everyday, in the UK we have a number of rapes recorded. In each instance the circumstances change - might be someone they knew -- worse still family, and sometimes just some sick bas**** who prowls the streets.
A few, I'm sure, will visit this website because after rape will come depression - and what do we get with depression?
Bloody guilt!
That is your vicious circle MoAnamCara - but you know this and maybe if someone else points out this guilt fixation it might persuade you that you guilt might be misplaced.
You've misplaced it so far that its a wonder it is not circumnavigating the globe in the upper atmosphere! Sincerely!
My regards.
PS - IF you go to the local library - and if there were reports of the offenders being convicted - it is LEGAL for you to put up their newspaper cuttings online.
PM me if you want to do this - I could get the names in Google in 48 hrs, plus a few links from other blogs and sites to spread the wor