Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Ldub20, Aug 3, 2012.
If you wouldn't and think there is nothing wrong with either, I question you.
Not necessarily. I am lonely. But I have promised someone else that I would not act on those thoughts, even if I had them. But may I ask you who you are trying to justify your decision too? Is there maybe someone holding you back, someone in the back of your mind that you can't quite convince that it's the right choice?
Guess I should mention that there are others on this forum who have Aspergers, but perhaps maybe feel differently than you do right now? One of those people said to me that it's just a label, and yes that is true... that condition does not define you. It's a part of you, but it doesn't make you up entirely.
I imagine it's hard for you to see that right now, it probably feels like the entire condition defines you, and that that's all anyone sees. But I can understand you. I can see where you are coming from, so I see someone beyond that. I hope you can see someone inside you beyond that too.
I probably don't have aspergers, I don't have friends though. Never had them for one reason or another.
So, I'm 27 and I don't have ANY friends on the face of this planet. Literally, I mean I used my phone approximately 5 times during last 2 years and all of the calls and messages I made were work-related. Last time I hanged out with anyone aside from my dysfunctional ex girlfriend was over 6 years ago. And that girlfriend was dumped 2 years ago so I'm utterly alone every month, day and hour.
And none of that bothers me. Seeing people playing the deception game all the time in relationships and friendships, showing different sides of their self to different people so "please dear god don't let them think bad about me". Struggling to divide time between friends and stuff, spending money to keep friends content... that's quite a waste of time and resources. I would prefer to keep my time so I would be able to spend it how I would like to spend it, and also to shield myself from all the drama and the need to mask some of my views and attitudes. SO, for me being alone feels that I'm free of that modern social web of lies.
The only friends I have are people on this forum. Honestly. Do I have Asperger's? I don't know. Not that I know of, but looking back on the difficulties I had socializing and relating to my peers, my inability to read body language and pick up on other nonverbal cues, the fact that others always thought I was "weird" and that I was always enthralled with out-of-the-ordinary intellectual and creative pursuits, I do sometimes wonder if there is something abnormal about me. Besides the obvious facts that I have no friends and suffer from depression. Even if I don't suffer from Asperger's, I certainly have difficulty relating to other people and I have had a lot of difficulties in social situations. I'm not much different from someone who suffers from Asperger's. And I will be completely honest - I have oftentimes thought about killing myself. Fantasized about it, glorified it, viewed it as my only way out. I hate being lonely. I hate not being able to relate to people. I hate watching everyone else lead happy lives around me while I feel like an outcast. So I know how you feel. And I won't sit here and tell you that I've overcome that and I'm never going to commit suicide, because I haven't and I might. But there's a reason why I'm here, and there's a reason why you're here. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do, I completely understand. But you have to be honest with yourself and admit that you secretly don't want to commit suicide. You just want to stop feeling the way that you do. Am I right? Be honest, Matt - you just want to feel normal and happy. I get that. I totally understand. And maybe you feel like that's not even possible, and you want to kill yourself because you're tired of hurting and feeling like an outcast. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. But you're posting here because you want to reach out, because you don't want to feel this way. You're ready to commit suicide because you don't think there is any other way out. But deep down you desperately hope that there is another way. I will not sit here and tell you that life is perfect. I will tell you that I understand how you feel. I feel the same way. But I am resisting suicide, because I know that nothing good can come of it. I am trying very hard to talk myself out of it, and to hold onto hope. So are you. That is what brought you here. You are looking for hope and acceptance. I just want you to know that I understand and that I do accept you. I will not judge you for how you feel. But I hope that you do hold on, because there are caring people in this world who will accept you for who you are. Life doesn't always have to be this lonely.
For what it is worth, I will be your friend. I'm kinda weird, and I've got a lot of issues, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm willing to listen. I've probably dealt with a lot of the same issues that you have. I'm not going to lie and say that I lived happily ever after, because I still struggle. But I survived. I survived a life of living hell and total isolation. I survived in spite of the fact that nobody seemed to like me. I watched as other people like me took their own lives, got hopelessly addicted to hard drugs, died or ended up in prison as a result of their breakdowns, went on rampages taking the lives of others, etc.; I SURVIVED. Maybe that doesn't mean a whole lot... I'm trapped in a loveless marriage, a dead end job, and using alcohol to cope... so maybe survival isn't all it's cracked up to be. But the point is that I'm still here. I'm not in prison and I haven't killed myself yet. 33 long hard years, goddammit... 33 fucking miserable years. But I'm still here. Life may be a bitch, but I'm an incorrigibile bastard who refuses to back down... I fucking survived. And so can you.
All I can say to that is I'm very glad my husband didn't kill himself before meeting me, and he has aspergers and was terribly lonely and often suicidally depressed.
We've been married for 17 years now and he still has aspergers and still goes through serious and sometimes dangerous depressions, but I don't think he's been lonely much. I think, for people with aspergers, once they find someone, the loneliness largely cures itself.
If they meet the right person, then yes. I doubt I would even be on this forum if I was with the right "someone". In fact, I KNOW I wouldn't be on this forum if I had that.
I have aspergers and am lonely.. but it is not the top reason why I want to die..
Well I wouldn't because my brother has Aspergers and is married to a beautiful women and has two lovely daughters, not to mention I know several other guys with it and they are currently in strong and healthy relationships so if they could do I'm sure I could do it.
I'm not doubting that having Aspergers can be provide some difficulties and challenges when it comes to relationships but having a pity party about it isn't going to help.
I have asperger's and though it is tough some times, it's not only down sides to it. I've met a lot of other people who has it too, and there are ways to get by, and to live a normal life and be happy. Even though I haven't found a way, it's not impossible. Just wanted to say that, and hope it helps.
I have an inability to recognize body language and to make normal connection that is very similar from Asperger's. I do get lonely at times, and I spend most of my time on games and online. I've considered killing myself, I'll admit it, but I figured that that was definitely not the best way to make friends. People with Asperger's can learn some body language and work on social skills, it's simply harder. There are also others like you who will take the time to support you and try to be friends.
I'd almost and HAVE almost killed myself for losing an ex-girlfriend with Asperger's. Their so unique, yet complicated. I like that their different from most people. And it helps with my social phobias just being around them, because their not like most people. Their BETTER. :}
So don't hurt yourself, you won't be alone for too long. Eventually you'll find someone great, and you won't feel so alone!
I have Asperger's and I am lonely.
As naive or stupid as it sounds, I'm fighting this fight for the sake of those who love me.