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Young men incapable of commitment?

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#1
So I heard today on some daytime talk show that relationships involving men under 28, don't often work out because men this young are basically genetically incapable of putting someone else before themselves... also that women under 24 are as incapable of holding and maintaining a committed relationship as men under 28. I found this interesting, but am curious to see what proof there is of this theory.

I wonder because I am 5 years older than my 23 year old husband, and he has put me through hell over our 3 year relationship with lies, cheating and emotional neglect, and I have gotten sick of everyone pulling the age card in order to excuse his behavior.

What are your thoughts?
 

justMe7

Well-Known Member
#3
I don't agree with that. Imo, society will generalize and make groups to better "understand" problems. I know pleanty of young guys and girls who are extremely mature and understand commitment.

I think that sort of information only fuels the pre-definitions of people and age groups. It's informative sure, but the best thing is to learn about the individual imo, not the natural characteristics they can't avoid. Such as age.
It's like saying "im depressed so I can/can't do ....". Fall into that crap, and you're nothing more then someone elses vision. I don't beleive we are slaves to our genetics.
Erhm... I'm sorry about your husband. The only thing I can say is, it's easy to jump into deep feelings, but applying those same connections(relationship stuff) to everything else is difficult. Especially when someone doesn't know who they are or hasnt let themselves see or connect with life. They tend to break boundaries that come with commitment on those deeper connections. Age isn't an excuse, it's maturity and understanding imo. That's something age doesn't hold a exclusive crunch on Imo.
 
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#5
Im just so sick of everyone in our lives throwing up his age as an excuse for his behavior, but if the so called professionals are saying it too, then how is he ever to be expected to own up? Now, with his gaming becoming an increasing problem in our relationship (he spends more time gaming than working, spending time with me and spending time with our daughter) he is just saying "well what do you expect? I'm 23! Instead of just owning up and trying to do better.
 

justMe7

Well-Known Member
#7
Im just so sick of everyone in our lives throwing up his age as an excuse for his behavior, but if the so called professionals are saying it too, then how is he ever to be expected to own up? Now, with his gaming becoming an increasing problem in our relationship (he spends more time gaming than working, spending time with me and spending time with our daughter) he is just saying "well what do you expect? I'm 23! Instead of just owning up and trying to do better.
Honestly?
"Yes, you're 23, with a family. With children, with your wife, with bills, with responsibilities." ect ect.

:S Idk his situation, so im commenting out of context, but. Whatever he's going through or thinking, that method is crap.You're a person regardless of age.
 
#8
Honestly?
"Yes, you're 23, with a family. With children, with your wife, with bills, with responsibilities." ect ect.

:S Idk his situation, so im commenting out of context, but. Whatever he's going through or thinking, that method is crap.You're a person regardless of age.
Well, he works part time, isn't looking for anything better, I can't work because I'm disabled but I would still try if we could afford day care, and he games 10 - 15 hours a day, depending on how long his shift is at his job that day.

We had agreed to 3 hours a day for him to game earlier this week, but that's already turned into 5 or 6 hours... after his 2 or 3 hour nap. His parents started this whole "he's too young for all this responsibility" crap and he's grabbed hold of it as an excuse and seeing it on TV today resulted in him turning to me and saying "see? told you so."

I've threatened to leave, but he knows I wont because I can't; I've got nowhere to go and no way to get there :(
 

ExtraSoap

Well-Known Member
#10
Well I do tend to procrastinate a lot. I also have no drive to really do much, but that might not be all me.

I think that in a relationship I would be capable of commitment, but I wouldnt know, unfortunately :/


Well, he works part time, isn't looking for anything better, I can't work because I'm disabled but I would still try if we could afford day care, and he games 10 - 15 hours a day, depending on how long his shift is at his job that day.

We had agreed to 3 hours a day for him to game earlier this week, but that's already turned into 5 or 6 hours... after his 2 or 3 hour nap. His parents started this whole "he's too young for all this responsibility" crap and he's grabbed hold of it as an excuse and seeing it on TV today resulted in him turning to me and saying "see? told you so."

I've threatened to leave, but he knows I wont because I can't; I've got nowhere to go and no way to get there :(

Wait what?! 10-15 hours a day!? That's disgusting! he needs a life. Typical gamer prick, he's lucky he even has someone like you and he's jsut too much of an asshole to appreciate anything other than whats on a tv screen.
 

gloomy

Account Closed
#11
I really don't think it's genetic…. it's a social thing for sure.

When my parents were growing up, people were getting married much younger than they do today, and a lot of that had to do with the fact that they knew that they were going to have a career waiting for them at the end of high school/college, and that they would be able to raise families and have responsibilities and settle down. It was easier for men and women to settle down together because everyone had a role in the family dynamic-- men were the providers, women were the nurturers, and they needed each other in order to function in society. Divorces were shameful and harder to get, and people just generally believed that what they were doing was worth doing.

Now contrast that to the society we're living in now-- it's full of uncertainties-- economic uncertainty, social uncertainty, cynicism, and fear of authority. We still crave companionship, but men and women no longer have definite roles in their families… divorce is easy and socially acceptable, sexuality is out in the open, and the media is putting forward the notion that human beings are generally horrible irresponsible creatures who ruin everything including each other.

So yeah, basically men and women cheat on each other because the whole idea of raising a family is kind of bullshit, and it's easier to be selfish about everything. At 23, most of his friends aren't going to be married. They probably aren't even going to be in relationships that they take seriously.
 
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